It’s Just Coffee

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I had to laugh when I read this article—A Case for Skipping Starbucks: Get Better Results by Elevating Your Coffee Dates.

I might be giggling because my husband and I grabbed a Starbucks on our first date and gosh, dang it, golly…we still made it to the altar.

I understand the author’s point; although I’m not sure I agree or believe the coffee shop is the issue. The problem she identifies is really more about an attitude towards dating.

And the “it’s just coffee” mentality is often perceived as BORING.

There’s no dressing up. No excitement. No thrills and no hope for a lingering evening. It’s like an appointment at the dentist—scheduled, inflexible and straight to the point.

The “it’s just coffee” attitude hints at insecurity, barriers, time limits and a hold-back approach to dating. Caution is the name of the game and all too often folks in this environment have a hard time relaxing.

But again, I believe this has much more to do with intentionality and respect for the other person than where or what you do on a first date.

If you engage in the date, listen, act interested and smile…even coffee is romantic.

Tim and I met on Balboa Island, grabbed a cup of coffee and walked for an hour on the boardwalk surrounded by water, boats and sky. The coffee made us both a little bit talkative and we chatted up a storm.

I don’t think you need alcoholic drinks as the author suggested to loosen up. If anything, people use alcohol as a crutch in dating. You want to get to know the person without the beer goggles on.

She also suggested coffee dates after 4:00pm to make it more romantic. Again, I disagree. A morning date over coffee near a lake or park or beach is just as romantic as a dark smoky room. And honestly, you can see people better in the light—their nuances and body language.

There is evidence that first dates with a little danger increase romantic feelings. So maybe add a hike or a bike ride along with your coffee. Rent a kayak, paddle board, or even a canoe. Or simply take a walk in heels and get an ice cream cone—that’s dangerous.

I don’t think you need to spend a lot of money on a date or commit to a whole evening to have fun. But bringing an open attitude and an open heart to the date does make a difference.

If you find yourself scheduling SAFE dates, maybe it’s time to explore what’s behind your motives.

But please don’t blame Starbucks for a bad first date. It worked for me!

–Samantha

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