Should Women Ask Men Out?

The cards filled up the podium –stacks of yellow flash cards with questions for the two of us.  My husband and I were speaking at a conference on love, sex and dating and we were wrapping up our session with some Q &A. 

One of the piles was larger than the rest and I realized about ten people had asked the same question. Curious, I pointed at the cards for Tim to read next.

Tim picked up the cards, flipped through them, and then read aloud, “Can a woman ask a man out?”

His deep voice boomed out into the audience and all the women in the room looked up at us in anticipation.

Tim began to share his opinion while I perched up on my stool and articulated my thoughts.

My husband recommended that if a man has indicated some interest in a woman then she can confidently suggest “you should ask me out.” 

So the woman is making her interest clear to a man and making it known she is available.

But if the guy say’s no and shows zero interest in arranging another time or place to meet, it’s time for the woman to move on.


But I think this holds true for both men and women.  If a guy asks a girl out and she says no, and then he asks again and again, and she still says no, then the guy needs to move on.

We tend to take “NO” so personally but if we tweaked our model just a bit, and looked  at asking someone out (or encouraging someone to ask us out) as more of an interview process and less of an emotional minefield, it would take a great deal of the pressure off.

When you go out on more dates than less…each individual date takes on less significance making it easier to act like yourself. 

It’s the whole idea of putting all your eggs in one basket.  When it comes to first dates, spread the eggs around and try MANY baskets. 

I want to be clear here, I’m talking about FIRST DATES and doing things like taking a walk and getting an ice cream cone, or meeting at a coffee shop.  I am not referring to hooking up and being the Easter Bunny hoochie or poochie (if you are a guy).

So ladies…BE BOLD and be ENCOURAGING.

And help guys ask you out.  Maybe this isn’t as easy as directly asking them out, but it is certainly more honoring and respectful to a man.

When I was single, if I was interested in a guy I usually invited him to a group event.  If he said yes and showed up, I gauged his interest.  Usually, with a little encouragement, a guy will then make the leap to asking a woman out.

Chivalry is not dead; we simply need to re-train our men to become the hero’s they were designed to be.

What do you think?  Is it ok for women to ask men out?


Further reference: A great book to read is Neil Clark Warren’s Date or Soul Mate for more on the interview process.

Photo Credit: From


  1. girls should learn how to ask guys out.. the only way to get what we want is to ask for it, ryt? so, we really need to break the tradition. nowadays, women are equal to man.

  2. Was a good article until the “LETS RE-TRAIN MEN” garbage. If the majority of ladies put forth the effort they expect all men to, then they wouldnt cry about men they like not asking them on dates. Grow up ladies, men don’t care if it’s their idea or if you asking is gonna hurt their pride. Actually, it would be a major confidence boost for me for a woman to ask me out. I would think “Wow, she really found something about me she liked, enough to follow it up!” I think women want that feeling too, but jeeze girls no need to hog it all. Show those guys you wanna go on a date with some love and just ask them already!!

  3. I think it’s okay for women to ask me out.
    It shows you’re interested in getting to know him a little better.
    I have asked a few guys out and they were receptive to my invite. I think they liked that I asked. :)

  4. Protip: A person can ask another person out for a first date, it does not matter the gender.

    Person A: Hey, you’re hot/interesting/exciting/smart/funny and we share many interests, would you like to go on a date and get to know each other better?

    Person B: Why yes, I think you are charming and have other good qualities and would definitely agree to a date with you.

    Guess the gender of the two people.

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