How to Blow A First Date

how to blow a first date

I’m plodding away on the treadmill at the gym, when a “reality” real estate show pops up on the screen.  Halfway through the episode, they highlight two different scenarios of single male brokers out on dates.

And quite honestly, both were examples of “how to blow it.”

Both of these guys started out well—they asked a woman out and she said yes.  Good job guys!  That’s the first hurdle.  But it went downhill  fast.

Guy #1.  This young man is a “nice guy” type.  He’s funny and geeky and cute in a New York sort of way.  Since I see his HUGE commissions on the listings, I know he’s a successful and confidant businessman in real estate.  As far as looks go, dater #1 isn’t the most physically attractive guy, but he’s nicely groomed and put together, and quite frankly most women aren’t as image conscious as men, so he’s certainly attractive enough.  His date is a classy gal.  I can tell she really wants to like him, but their date is challenging to say the least.

Here’s what went wrong:

  1. He’s EARLY! 

He calls her thirty minutes ahead to make sure she is ready and then picks her up fifteen minutes early.  Obvious OCD is not attractive.  Guys, please!  Don’t arrive early.  Your date is trying to get ready and look pretty for you.  Don’t mess up this process!  On the other hand, don’t show up late either.  Be respectful and arrive on time.  Call if you are running late.

  1. He’s indecisive

When the waiter comes by to get their drinks, he keeps deferring back to the woman.  Guys, ladies hate that!  Sure, give us a say in the decision, but please know your own mind!  Do you like red wine, a cocktail, beer, a soda, or water? Do you enjoy meat or fish?  Figure this out before you go on a date because we don’t want to wait (along with the server) while you have a mental crisis at the table.

(And for the record, Tim and I suggest not drinking on dates so you have a clear head and don’t act idiotic—but that’s another blog)

  1. He has zero social skills. 

I’m not talking about “game” here or even charm, it’s just plain awkward the entire date! There are long gaps in between their conversation.  He doesn’t seem interested in her. When he does talk out loud, it’s about the bygone days when he was overweight and pimply.  This guy can barely get out a sentence because he’s so insecure, which he wasn’t in the business realm. I wanted to crawl through the screen and rescue him!  Clearly he lacks communication skills with women, which can be learned. If painful shyness with the opposite sex is an issue for you, seek counseling and find a good dating coach.

The date ended with him asking her out again and she declined.  I’m amazed she made it to dessert. Dater#1 I am rooting for you. You just a few dating skills!

 

Dater #2 

This guy is also a wealthy New York real estate broker.  He’s very attractive and he knows it—horribly arrogant and boastful—and I want to vomit watching him get his “game” on.  He too is well dressed and appears intelligent, sneaky and of low moral character. The girl he meets for dinner is bursting out of her low cut dress.  She is overtly sexual and I honestly thought, despite his douchiness, that she was pretty trashy even for him.

Here’s What Went Wrong:

  1. Bad Manners!

He’s late.  By the time he arrives she’s already had a few cocktails.  Now maybe he planned that because she’s raring to go?  He also takes phone calls during the date—LAME!  He checks out other women who walk by and even slyly asks another one out when she’s not looking. Yuck, yuck, yuck!

  1. He has an Agenda

Must I spell it out for you?  This is a high class hook-up.  It felt like a college frat party swapping out the solo cups for a good wine and lovely ambiance.  It wasn’t about meeting someone new or treating another human being with dignity and respect.  This was about sex. Period.

  1. He doesn’t respect women

Guys, if this is your issue—because you are damaged by a bad relationship, or numbed out from porn, try and limit the collateral damage of women you take out until you get some healing.  Find a counselor, get your heart right with God and when you can see women as valuable once again, then try dating.

Their date ended up with sex in the limo.  Her clothes were off before the door was shut and they had to fuzz it out of the screen.

I’m guessing he calls the other girl from the restaurant in the morning.

Have you had a bad first date experience?  

What do you Believe?

 

When Tim and I start a new dating series, one of our first weeks is always devoted to one simple question.

What do you believe about God?

And why does this matter you ask?

Because what you believe about God affects the way you date.

What you believe about God determines your behavior in the dating realm.  It is the core basis of how you treat people.

Don’t believe me?

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.”—Matthew 12:35

What is stored up inside of you?

What are you putting into you?

God’s word?  Healthy relationships?  Love and Christian service?  Christian community?

Or perhaps it’s something else?

When no one at church is looking what are putting in your heart?

It would seem we have a choice to make.

Do we choose to treat people well based on the goodness of God living within us or do we choose to take our dating relationships out of God’s realm based on our own desires and selfishness?

Do we take dating out of the context of our spirituality? 

Do we rely on ourselves and tell God, ‘I’ve got it handled.” 

“God, how about you cover Sunday and I’ll take care of the Friday night hook-up?” 

“God, you handle the big things—like health and welfare and I got the women covered.”

Or maybe we let our loneliness supplant God when it comes to meeting people.  “It’s been so long God…I couldn’t help myself.”

Do we settle for sex instead of a real relationship or being dangled along as “just a friend” while someone uses us to get their needs met while our legitimate needs–like security and a future get trampled on?

If it seems like I’m a little too familiar with this conversation, I am.  Been there and done that.  And I’ll tell you a secret…

It didn’t work.

Putting God in a box and leaving him out of my dating relationships did not go well for me. 

In fact, it was a recipe for disaster!

Only when I surrendered DATING to God did he do the work within me to transform my heart.  And only then did I RECOGNIZE a good guy when he came along.

So, let’s take a moment and ask the big question, “What do you believe about God?”

Do you believe that he has your best in mind? 

That he loves you? 

That he wants the best for you? 

Do you believe that his commandments aren’t meant to take away our fun but to truly give you the best life possible?

Do you trust God’s timing because he knows you better than you know yourself?

If the answer is yes, then what does that mean about some of the things in your life distracting you from God’s best.

Things like:

Pornography

Sex outside of marriage

Dating unbelievers

Playing games in dating

Treating dating like a consumer marketplace

Dishonesty in your intentions—leading people on

Picking and choosing the parts of the Bible you agree with to justify deviant behaviors

Are you all in? Or just lukewarm?

The question is “Do you believe God or not?” 

–Samantha and Tim

Time to Move On

 

When my ex-husband walked out the door into the arms of another woman, my ego tanked.  I felt rejected, abandoned and overwhelmed with two little kids and my family shot to bits and pieces.

It was difficult—at best—to keep the self-defeating thoughts from taking over.

I was shaken to the core and everything I believed about love and commitment and Christian marriage now seemed naive in the face of betrayal.

Looking back, I can see that in the mess of divorce (or a break-up), these emotions are a NORMAL part of the grieving process after a relationship suddenly ends.

The death of a relationship—from divorce, tragedy, or a break-up—leaves us with a bag of emotions we aren’t equipped to deal with.  Anger, sadness and self-criticism can overwhelm us if we focus too much on the what, how and why it all went wrong.

While it’s natural to go through a season of deep inner self-reflection and grief, we are at risk of staying in the bitterness if we don’t forgive, accept and move on. 

At some point, we must confront the death of the dream—acknowledge our loss—and begin to plant the seeds of hope for not only recovery, but FULL restoration.

Here are some tips to move you past the pain and into the vibrant future God plans for you:

  1.  Accept your emotional highs and lows as a normal part of the end of a relationship.  Remind yourself “this too shall pass.” My emotions aren’t the truth but an indicator of my heart and its brokenness and need for the great Healer. 
  2. Love Yourself. God, in his infinite grace, “first loved us” so we could extend love to others.  You are a valuable and worthwhile person.  No man or woman defines your identity.  You are complete in Christ alone.
  3. When you get dumpedexpect to feel rejected.  If you are the dumper—expect to feel guilty.  Find a Christian counselor and work through the facets and failures of this relationship BEFORE you jump into another one.  Remember, you will go into the next relationship with all of your same problems unless you start to deal with them now.
  4. Discover who you are.  Now that you are on your own, figure out how you like to eat your eggs (remember Runaway Bride?) and what brings a smile to your face.  Explore new hobbies, rediscover old activities and embrace the life God blessed you with.  For example: my ex-husband had a bum ankle and many of my favorite activities like roller-blading, tennis and skiing had gone by the way side because he couldn’t keep up.  It was time to pull out my equipment, reclaim my athletic MOJO and head to the mountains and the beach!
  5. Create Community!  Find a group of like minded friends and believers to do life with.  Check out the Point at Mariners Church (shameless plug for my hubs), get involved with serving and initiate relationship. Finding people who understand and support you is like an energy drink for the soul.  We need Jesus with skin on and God gives us one another to carry each other’s burdens and cheer one another on.  Find your team!

Last, if depression and rejection are too big to handle alone, please seek counseling and support.  Divorce Care, Celebrate Recovery, and many other groups will help you through the initial pain.

Your divorce or break-up is not who you are. You are not a victim.  This is one more experience that can help you grow into the person God created you to be!

A Boyfriend for Christmas

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I watched my favorite cheesy Christmas treat last night–the Hallmark Channel movie de jour…”A Boyfriend for Christmas.”

(It reminded me of a low-budget Bridget Jones movie)

But the movie–despite the terrible scripting–struck a chord.  I remember, all too well, the holidays I spent as a post-30 single, and I certainly wasn’t above begging Santa for a good man.

What is it about Christmas that makes being single more challenging?  All of a sudden the pressure seems bigger.  It’s like Christmas is an unofficial  marking system that we all fail to measure up to–another year, no boyfriend, check–naughty list for you missy!

It’s even a little scary flying solo at some of these events.  There’s the numerous holiday parties where we are accosted by well-meaning friends (who have someone special they just have to introduce you to), the crazy office party (do you bring a friend or brave the drunk VP alone?), and then to top it off, your nosy extended family who just can’t believe another year has gone by that you still aren’t married) and they talk it about it very loudly in the same room with you as if you aren’t even there).

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I will never forget the first Christmas I spent as a single divorced mom.  I ran into Target to get a few last-minute items for the kid’s stockings.  I was in sweaty workout clothes, no makeup, ratty pony-tail—you get the picture—and I run into the super-geek of my childhood who tormented me from second grade to graduation with his puppy-dog devotion. 

Of course, now he was a relatively attractive attorney (no longer chubby and annoying) with his lovely fiancé who thought he was AMAZING. 

Now I was the awkward single chick at Christmas with no special someone to kiss under the mistletoe.

Ouch!

So how do you navigate the holidays as a single with all the pressure caving in around you?

Here are some tips:

Don’t settle for just anyone to fill the boyfriend/girlfriend shoes. Research from the University of Toronto suggests that the fear of being single causes both men and women to settle for less in romantic relationships.

“Sometimes they stay in relationships they aren’t happy in, and sometimes they want to date people who aren’t very good for them,” states psychology researcher Stephanie Spielmann about the study published in the December edition of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “Now we understand that people’s anxieties about being single seem to play a key role in these types of unhealthy relationship behaviors.”

Expect the Family Interrogation (and Neutralize It!)

You buy kitty litter because you know cat poop stinks.  Do the same with the family questions.  Expect the tough questions, know they will bite and prepare with some pre-planned responses to neutralize the assault.

Instead of getting defensive, respond to the “Why are you still single question?” with lighthearted humor.  Tell them, ‘I’m working hard on it, you got any tips grandma?”  And then sit back and chuckle with what she comes up with.

Focus on the Positive

I look back on that Christmas and recognize that although my single status didn’t FEEL good, I was still very blessed!  And I certainly wasn’t alone.  I had good friends, a loving family, and my children were healthy.  God was working on my broken-heart, I had a good job and enough food to eat and moneyto blow at Target on trinkets for my kiddos.  Although it was not everything I had dreamed of, it was still pretty amazing put into the right perspective.

When we throw a pity party and feel sorry for ourselves, we rob ourselves of the joy God gives us in this day and this moment.

Remember that where you are at now is not a forever status.  Seasons change, relationships ebb and flow and life has a way of always surprising you. 

And so if you run into an old childhood friend this Christmas at Target who is now married with three kids, (and your insides churn with envy) take a deep breath, give them a high-five and bless them.  Because the truth is, your blessing may be just around the corner.

5 Signs It’s Time to Move On

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The beginning of a new relationship is often a whirlwind of euphoria, emotions and intensity.  The last thing you want to dwell on is the negative.

Why focus on the yucky stuff when the awesome part is so—well—awesome?

But you aren’t naive enough to think any relationship is problem free, right? 

Although, it’s strange how some relationships are easier from the get-go and others face strife right off the bat.

The big question we all face, at some point, in a new relationship is whether it’s worth it to invest in and work on the issues or move on to better prospects. 

When should you work through problems versus throwing up the flag and admitting the partnership simply isn’t meant to be?

(Remember, you are looking for your best match and it only takes one to reach your goal)

If your journey to finding the best relationship is plagued with skirmishes and battles, ask yourself these questions:

Does this person have the 8-10 top qualities I desire?  If the answer is yes, and they have everything you are looking for, then it might be worth it to continue on and get help to sort out the difficulties.  If the answer is no, then consider ending the relationship.

Is this person free from all the negative qualities I don’t want?  Now, we aren’t talking about a laundry list of nitpicky items you can’t stand, but a general list of the 8-10 things that you really don’t want in a mate; for example: dishonesty, stinginess, controlling behaviors, anger issues…Yes?  Move on to next question.  No?  Consider ending the relationship.

Are these minor bumps to work through or big mountainss that signal significant differences? Some problems come up because a couple doesn’t know each other well enough and haven’t figured out each other’s personality, communication style and baseline belief systems. These bumps in the road usually work themselves out over time with understanding and patience. More significant issues arise from distinct incompatibility and extreme contrasting beliefs. These kinds of difficulties mostly likely won’t go away and will only get worse.  If one of you is a follower of Christ and the other is not, these issues will more than likely drive a wedge between the two of you.  Do not expect people to change their fundamental beliefs.

Are your thoughts and opinions given credence? Are you in a safe listening environment where you both feel heard and understood?  You certainly don’t always have to agree with each other, but both partners must be willing to try.

Are you already feeling smothered, offended, frustrated and ready to explode? Generally speaking, if you can’t get along well now, it’s not going to get better.  If you’ve already reached your tipping point by month three, it’s probably time to move on.

All relationships take time to discover and discern if it’s a good fit, but once you know what you want and what you don’t want, there’s no reason to drag a relationship going nowhere on and on. 

What do you think?

5 Ways to Improve Self-Esteem

Recently, a lovely young woman approached me after church and asked if we could hang out and discuss life.  She had some concerns she needed a second opinion on, so over a cup of coffee and many laughs, we sat down and chatted about love and dating and singleness. 

I carefully watched her as we talked and while the woman radiated joy, she also gave off an air of insecurity.  It was if she was just waiting for someone, anyone to love and appreciate her.

And it made me sad because she didn’t recognize what I saw in her.  She saw unworthiness where I saw beauty, kindness and intelligence.

I tried to remind her of her value and worth and hoped it would stick -at least as far as the parking lot.

Often in life, we are the Simon Cowell in our very own version of American Idol.  We become our harshest critic and berate ourselves, compare ourselves to others and give grace to others we don’t give to ourselves. 

And because of this we walk around feeling lonely and miserable. 

When our self-esteem drops, simple criticism from others throws us into a state of agony because we are already so hard on ourselves there is little room for more.  These toxic tendencies steal our happiness and true identity.

Increasing your self-esteem based on who God says you are can dramatically reframe your perspective on life.  This involves recognizing who God is and who he says you are, ministering to your own needs and acknowledging them, accepting your strengths and weaknesses, celebrating your positive qualities and making choices that enhance your personal wellbeing.

Here are five ways to promote a healthy self-esteem:

1. Talk nicely to yourself and be your own fan! Ditch the negative thoughts such as “I’m so stupid” or “I’ll never amount to much” and replace it with positive and encouraging statements. Find verses to memorize that lift you up and fill you with courage.  Repeat… “With Christ all things are possible!” 

2. Get off the sofa and move, move, move!  Consistent physical activity wards off depression, fatigue and sickness while lifting your mood and ability to cope with stress. 

3. Acknowledge your needs. Stop putting everybody else first! (Your boss, your kids -for all you single parents, your significant other) While God tells us to be a foot-washing and humble servant, he doesn’t tell us to be a self-sacrificing martyr (Bible heroes like John the Baptist get a pass here).  Take care of the temple he gave you.  Get adequate rest, take care of personal hygiene, carve out quiet time, set boundaries, eat healthy, and stimulate your brain by connecting with others.

4. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff!  When feelings of insecurity plague you, you will more than likely replay old conversations and analyze and over analyze peoples motives and so on, wishing you could change something you said.   You will over think your behavior and lead yourself right down a rabbit hole into anxiety.   Remind yourself that you are human and imperfectly wonderful and then MOVE ON. If you need to apologize for an errant remark, quickly make amends and then let it go.  While it is healthy to pray and reflect for spiritual growth, it’s also destructive to beat yourself up over every little thing.

5. Be proud of who God made you to be!   Allow yourself to be an individual with unique preferences, thoughts and beliefs.  Don’t apologize for but celebrate your differences.  My husband Tim is the most interesting man I’ve ever met –a true character of sorts because he is quirky and knows exactly what he likes.  And truthfully his self confidence is what drew me to him.  (See Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Tim Keller)

Remember, we can’t control other people’s opinions and how they perceive us but we can control our attitude.  Don’t forget who God made you to be!  He certainly hasn’t!  Be proud of your distinct YOU-ness!

 

The Pitfalls of Shacking Up

I listened in on –ok eavesdropped to a woman at a café the other day as she bemoaned her daughter moving in with a dude before marriage.  The woman had apparently discouraged her daughter but the girl rashly went ahead (as most young people do) and packed up her bags to shack up with her new man.

The girl claimed she wanted to “test” their compatibility before they invested the time and energy in marriage.

(Reminds me of test-driving a car)

But the problem with this popular view in culture is that relationships are not like buying or trying on a consumer product.  You generally don’t return a dress after you’ve worn it and laundered it for a year or two, right?

But that’s what we do in the “trying before buying” model of dating.

Relationships are built on a foundation of trust and security, so when you destroy the main foundation before you begin to build the structure –you end up with a house of cards just waiting to fall down.

According to research, a trial run before marriage is not the answer for couples who are considering exclusivity.

Nancy Pina –relationship expert and life coach said this, “In my experience as a Christian relationship coach, those who chose to live together experienced a decline in emotional intimacy instead of a strengthened bond.

A new study by World magazine measured feelings of commitment and intimacy for unmarried couples who live together, and found they never achieved the level of closeness married couples enjoy.”

Ouch…NEVER?

Nancy suggests that living together sets most couples up for probable failure, because at that point, at least one person in the relationship is unsure if it should lead to marriage. Instead of addressing their reservation with openness and honesty, the uncertain person agrees to a trial arrangement. As seen in the study, 52 percent of men are not “almost certain” their relationship will last. More than half had reservations about the longevity of the relationship.

(Remember that saying about “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?”)

Marriage brings security –a woman’s greatest need.  Marriage validates responsibilities and expectations within the relationship.

Shacking up is the opposite of commitment.  It is friends with benefits.  It’s an open door policy that allows for flight.  It’s “hey, I’m in as long as you meet all my needs…but if you don’t…there’s the door.”

In marriage, partners have more incentive to learn what pleases each other and they become good at it because they expect to stay together.

“Merely living together is an open question mark because the future is undecided. Cohabitation by its very nature does not promote the same deep connection of mutual trust and emotional vulnerability. Intimacy that is reserved for marriage is cheapened by this experience and cannot be replicated.” states Nancy.

What do you think?

Define “Christian?”

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One of the biggest complaints we hear from daters using Online Dating Services is how the category of “Christian” can mean so many different things to different people.

Jenna found this to be true. “My spiritual beliefs and values often make dating a very risky pursuit. I’ve been set up with guys—even ones who know I’m a Christian—who expect me to go along with their lifestyle choices: sex, drugs, excessive drinking, and the rest. Other times, guys find out I’m a Christian and automatically assume I’m uptight and judgmental. The stereotypes get old.” 

Brad chimed in…“I’ve heard Christian dating advice that assumes all Christians are exactly the same. But it’s not as if every believer fits a certain profile. There’s a broad spectrum of what it means for people to call themselves a Christian—from very liberal to very conservative and everything in between. Just because a woman calls herself a Christian doesn’t mean her beliefs or lifestyle choices are the same as mine.”

Truth?  Dating is a DAUNTING adventure.  And it’s confusing and awkward and complex…AND even more so with those who have spiritual beliefs they are not only trying to safeguard but to UNIFY with another.

In a culture of Post-Christian anything goes relativity…Christians need to be pro-active!

5 Tips to Help Christian Singles Navigate Online Dating:

  • Guard Your Heart

A key biblical principle says that what is in a person’s heart determines how that person acts—all the decisions he or she makes, for better or worse. We often focus on behavior—how far is too far physically, what a person of faith should or shouldn’t do in a dating relationship, and so on. But even more important is the recognition that conduct follows convictions and actions follow attitudes.

Solomon wrote, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” Proverbs 4:23.

  • Define your standards BEFORE you date

The time to think through any potentially perilous situation is before it happens. Play the movie out in your mind of possible scenarios.  Think through what hazards lay in your path.  Purity is important, and if it is important to you, take the time to identify potential pitfalls before you start dating (alcohol, late nights, sleeping over).  Fortify your convictions in advance with firm intentions, accountability and a solid plan.

  • Stand Firm

Many Christian singles are hesitant to voice their convictions for fear of being labeled “old-fashioned” or “narrow-minded.” But it’s far better to be up-front about what is and is not acceptable to you in the beginning before you head down a path of compromise.  People respect people who know who they are and who have standards.  If your date disregards your efforts to hold firm to your beliefs, then they aren’t a good match to begin with.

  • Find a Team to Root for You

When facing any obstacle, it helps to know you have support. Invite others who share your commitment to moral integrity to encourage you and check in with you. Find advocates and ask them to watch your back and encourage you to hold firm to your convictions.  They can help you to keep you moving the direction you want to go.

  • Find a Dating Mentor

Search out someone—a pastor, mentor, teacher—whose perspectives and opinions you hold in high regard. Spend time with this person and glean all the wisdom you can. Again, it was Solomon who said, “He who walks with the wise grows wise” (Proverbs 13:20). Good counsel is available to you if you’ll ask for it.

Your Christian faith defines who you are and will play a vital role in any lasting relationship. Protect what matters most to you and date with intentionality.

 (some tips adapted from Neil Clark Warren’s Christian Dating Advice)

 

What 81% of Singles are Not Looking For

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Sometimes we think everyone wants the same things we do.  We ERRONEOUSLY believe people, even good Christian folks, go on dates to look for a lifelong partner.  We think everyone wants a “Happily Ever After.”

Think again.  New research is revealing only 19% of daters are looking for a person to marry. 

Youza!  If this is true, then about 81% of the matches we get online are looking for something else.

Here are the results of the study taken from Top Dating Tips

For me, dating is mainly about….. ? 

1. Love 21% 
2. Marriage 19% 
3. Friendship 8% 
4. Partnership 6% 
5. Sex 19% 
6. Company 3% 
7. Social life 3% 
8. Romance 12% 
9. Conversation 3% 
10. Sharing 6% 
Have you ever dated more than one person simultaneously ?

1. Yes 53% 
2. No 33% 
3. Don’t Know 13%

Would you like to get married ? 

1.) Yes 44% 
2.) No 12% 
3.) Maybe 32% 
4.) Not again 4% 
5.) Don’t know 8%

Where is the best place to meet new people ? 

1.) Bar 18% 
2.) Club 11% 
3.) Beach 4% 
4.) Church 2% 
5.) Social club 4% 
6.) Mall 4% 
7.) Internet 18% 
8.) Work 22% 
9.) Sport 7% 
10.) Other 9%

So why do you date?

Dating Tip #1 How to Flee Like Joseph

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Ever meet a woman (or guy) who seems irresistible?

You are in a dating relationship with them and there is intense CHEMISTRY. Or maybe she lives down the hall and gives you “the look” every time you take out your trash. Maybe it’s your male trainer at the gym whose hands accidentally brush up your side when he adjusts your posture.

They put out the vibe that they are AVAILABLE. READY to RUMBLE. SEXUALLY OPEN.

And let’s be honest, it’s tempting.

But you want to follow Christ. You are committed to walking in purity. You know better, right?

I imagine Joseph felt this way too.

Potiphar’s wife was more than likely pretty hot.

She was a wealthy Egyptian woman and the wife of a high-ranking official. This gal probably had all the time in the world to primp, work out at the “Desert Sand’s” 24 Fitness, and practice the smoky eye with her Cleopatra line of makeup.

She certainly had time on her hands to lust after Joseph, her handsome and well built man-servant.

It would have been easy for Joseph to hook up with her when his boss wasn’t looking.

It’s always easy to say “yes” to pleasure.

When Tim and I were dating, there were many nights where our kisses on the sofa turned into lingering hugs and the temperature rose a notch in the room.

And choices had to be made.

Tim’s favorite method of recourse in those steamy situations?

FLEE LIKE JOSEPH!

He would excuse himself to go to the restroom and call me from the car ten minutes later.

Half the time I never even knew he was struggling. A smoldering kiss for a girl doesn’t have the same effect as it does for a dude.

But Tim knew his limits and sometimes running was his only option.

When Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce Joseph -Joseph ran. And the temptress had such a hold on him she ripped off part of his clothes.

Temptation is like that. It grabs on tight. It wants us to surrender.

But God will give us the strength to flee if we seek him.

It helps to have a plan to deal with these situations BEFORE they erupt.

Knowing your triggers and knowing HOW YOU WILL DEAL with the temptation before it arises will give you the tools to navigate sticky situations.

  • Maybe you don’t drink alcohol on a date with this person -until you make it down the aisle.
  • Maybe you have a group of guys or girls checking in with you and encouraging you to date differently.
  • Maybe you set a curfew and stick to it.
  • Maybe you get a same-sex trainer.
  • Maybe you take a longer route to take out the trash.

Tim and I made it down the aisle without sexual compromise. It wasn’t easy but the truly good things in life rarely are.

IT IS POSSIBLE and IT IS WORTH IT!

Dating Tip #1 -When the temperature get’s hot, FLEE like Joseph!

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified:that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this manner no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or a sister.” –1 Thessalonians 4: 3-6

 

 

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