How to Blow A First Date

how to blow a first date

I’m plodding away on the treadmill at the gym, when a “reality” real estate show pops up on the screen.  Halfway through the episode, they highlight two different scenarios of single male brokers out on dates.

And quite honestly, both were examples of “how to blow it.”

Both of these guys started out well—they asked a woman out and she said yes.  Good job guys!  That’s the first hurdle.  But it went downhill  fast.

Guy #1.  This young man is a “nice guy” type.  He’s funny and geeky and cute in a New York sort of way.  Since I see his HUGE commissions on the listings, I know he’s a successful and confidant businessman in real estate.  As far as looks go, dater #1 isn’t the most physically attractive guy, but he’s nicely groomed and put together, and quite frankly most women aren’t as image conscious as men, so he’s certainly attractive enough.  His date is a classy gal.  I can tell she really wants to like him, but their date is challenging to say the least.

Here’s what went wrong:

  1. He’s EARLY! 

He calls her thirty minutes ahead to make sure she is ready and then picks her up fifteen minutes early.  Obvious OCD is not attractive.  Guys, please!  Don’t arrive early.  Your date is trying to get ready and look pretty for you.  Don’t mess up this process!  On the other hand, don’t show up late either.  Be respectful and arrive on time.  Call if you are running late.

  1. He’s indecisive

When the waiter comes by to get their drinks, he keeps deferring back to the woman.  Guys, ladies hate that!  Sure, give us a say in the decision, but please know your own mind!  Do you like red wine, a cocktail, beer, a soda, or water? Do you enjoy meat or fish?  Figure this out before you go on a date because we don’t want to wait (along with the server) while you have a mental crisis at the table.

(And for the record, Tim and I suggest not drinking on dates so you have a clear head and don’t act idiotic—but that’s another blog)

  1. He has zero social skills. 

I’m not talking about “game” here or even charm, it’s just plain awkward the entire date! There are long gaps in between their conversation.  He doesn’t seem interested in her. When he does talk out loud, it’s about the bygone days when he was overweight and pimply.  This guy can barely get out a sentence because he’s so insecure, which he wasn’t in the business realm. I wanted to crawl through the screen and rescue him!  Clearly he lacks communication skills with women, which can be learned. If painful shyness with the opposite sex is an issue for you, seek counseling and find a good dating coach.

The date ended with him asking her out again and she declined.  I’m amazed she made it to dessert. Dater#1 I am rooting for you. You just a few dating skills!

 

Dater #2 

This guy is also a wealthy New York real estate broker.  He’s very attractive and he knows it—horribly arrogant and boastful—and I want to vomit watching him get his “game” on.  He too is well dressed and appears intelligent, sneaky and of low moral character. The girl he meets for dinner is bursting out of her low cut dress.  She is overtly sexual and I honestly thought, despite his douchiness, that she was pretty trashy even for him.

Here’s What Went Wrong:

  1. Bad Manners!

He’s late.  By the time he arrives she’s already had a few cocktails.  Now maybe he planned that because she’s raring to go?  He also takes phone calls during the date—LAME!  He checks out other women who walk by and even slyly asks another one out when she’s not looking. Yuck, yuck, yuck!

  1. He has an Agenda

Must I spell it out for you?  This is a high class hook-up.  It felt like a college frat party swapping out the solo cups for a good wine and lovely ambiance.  It wasn’t about meeting someone new or treating another human being with dignity and respect.  This was about sex. Period.

  1. He doesn’t respect women

Guys, if this is your issue—because you are damaged by a bad relationship, or numbed out from porn, try and limit the collateral damage of women you take out until you get some healing.  Find a counselor, get your heart right with God and when you can see women as valuable once again, then try dating.

Their date ended up with sex in the limo.  Her clothes were off before the door was shut and they had to fuzz it out of the screen.

I’m guessing he calls the other girl from the restaurant in the morning.

Have you had a bad first date experience?  

What do you Believe?

 

When Tim and I start a new dating series, one of our first weeks is always devoted to one simple question.

What do you believe about God?

And why does this matter you ask?

Because what you believe about God affects the way you date.

What you believe about God determines your behavior in the dating realm.  It is the core basis of how you treat people.

Don’t believe me?

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.”—Matthew 12:35

What is stored up inside of you?

What are you putting into you?

God’s word?  Healthy relationships?  Love and Christian service?  Christian community?

Or perhaps it’s something else?

When no one at church is looking what are putting in your heart?

It would seem we have a choice to make.

Do we choose to treat people well based on the goodness of God living within us or do we choose to take our dating relationships out of God’s realm based on our own desires and selfishness?

Do we take dating out of the context of our spirituality? 

Do we rely on ourselves and tell God, ‘I’ve got it handled.” 

“God, how about you cover Sunday and I’ll take care of the Friday night hook-up?” 

“God, you handle the big things—like health and welfare and I got the women covered.”

Or maybe we let our loneliness supplant God when it comes to meeting people.  “It’s been so long God…I couldn’t help myself.”

Do we settle for sex instead of a real relationship or being dangled along as “just a friend” while someone uses us to get their needs met while our legitimate needs–like security and a future get trampled on?

If it seems like I’m a little too familiar with this conversation, I am.  Been there and done that.  And I’ll tell you a secret…

It didn’t work.

Putting God in a box and leaving him out of my dating relationships did not go well for me. 

In fact, it was a recipe for disaster!

Only when I surrendered DATING to God did he do the work within me to transform my heart.  And only then did I RECOGNIZE a good guy when he came along.

So, let’s take a moment and ask the big question, “What do you believe about God?”

Do you believe that he has your best in mind? 

That he loves you? 

That he wants the best for you? 

Do you believe that his commandments aren’t meant to take away our fun but to truly give you the best life possible?

Do you trust God’s timing because he knows you better than you know yourself?

If the answer is yes, then what does that mean about some of the things in your life distracting you from God’s best.

Things like:

Pornography

Sex outside of marriage

Dating unbelievers

Playing games in dating

Treating dating like a consumer marketplace

Dishonesty in your intentions—leading people on

Picking and choosing the parts of the Bible you agree with to justify deviant behaviors

Are you all in? Or just lukewarm?

The question is “Do you believe God or not?” 

–Samantha and Tim

Time to Move On

 

When my ex-husband walked out the door into the arms of another woman, my ego tanked.  I felt rejected, abandoned and overwhelmed with two little kids and my family shot to bits and pieces.

It was difficult—at best—to keep the self-defeating thoughts from taking over.

I was shaken to the core and everything I believed about love and commitment and Christian marriage now seemed naive in the face of betrayal.

Looking back, I can see that in the mess of divorce (or a break-up), these emotions are a NORMAL part of the grieving process after a relationship suddenly ends.

The death of a relationship—from divorce, tragedy, or a break-up—leaves us with a bag of emotions we aren’t equipped to deal with.  Anger, sadness and self-criticism can overwhelm us if we focus too much on the what, how and why it all went wrong.

While it’s natural to go through a season of deep inner self-reflection and grief, we are at risk of staying in the bitterness if we don’t forgive, accept and move on. 

At some point, we must confront the death of the dream—acknowledge our loss—and begin to plant the seeds of hope for not only recovery, but FULL restoration.

Here are some tips to move you past the pain and into the vibrant future God plans for you:

  1.  Accept your emotional highs and lows as a normal part of the end of a relationship.  Remind yourself “this too shall pass.” My emotions aren’t the truth but an indicator of my heart and its brokenness and need for the great Healer. 
  2. Love Yourself. God, in his infinite grace, “first loved us” so we could extend love to others.  You are a valuable and worthwhile person.  No man or woman defines your identity.  You are complete in Christ alone.
  3. When you get dumpedexpect to feel rejected.  If you are the dumper—expect to feel guilty.  Find a Christian counselor and work through the facets and failures of this relationship BEFORE you jump into another one.  Remember, you will go into the next relationship with all of your same problems unless you start to deal with them now.
  4. Discover who you are.  Now that you are on your own, figure out how you like to eat your eggs (remember Runaway Bride?) and what brings a smile to your face.  Explore new hobbies, rediscover old activities and embrace the life God blessed you with.  For example: my ex-husband had a bum ankle and many of my favorite activities like roller-blading, tennis and skiing had gone by the way side because he couldn’t keep up.  It was time to pull out my equipment, reclaim my athletic MOJO and head to the mountains and the beach!
  5. Create Community!  Find a group of like minded friends and believers to do life with.  Check out the Point at Mariners Church (shameless plug for my hubs), get involved with serving and initiate relationship. Finding people who understand and support you is like an energy drink for the soul.  We need Jesus with skin on and God gives us one another to carry each other’s burdens and cheer one another on.  Find your team!

Last, if depression and rejection are too big to handle alone, please seek counseling and support.  Divorce Care, Celebrate Recovery, and many other groups will help you through the initial pain.

Your divorce or break-up is not who you are. You are not a victim.  This is one more experience that can help you grow into the person God created you to be!

A Boyfriend for Christmas

 images

I watched my favorite cheesy Christmas treat last night–the Hallmark Channel movie de jour…”A Boyfriend for Christmas.”

(It reminded me of a low-budget Bridget Jones movie)

But the movie–despite the terrible scripting–struck a chord.  I remember, all too well, the holidays I spent as a post-30 single, and I certainly wasn’t above begging Santa for a good man.

What is it about Christmas that makes being single more challenging?  All of a sudden the pressure seems bigger.  It’s like Christmas is an unofficial  marking system that we all fail to measure up to–another year, no boyfriend, check–naughty list for you missy!

It’s even a little scary flying solo at some of these events.  There’s the numerous holiday parties where we are accosted by well-meaning friends (who have someone special they just have to introduce you to), the crazy office party (do you bring a friend or brave the drunk VP alone?), and then to top it off, your nosy extended family who just can’t believe another year has gone by that you still aren’t married) and they talk it about it very loudly in the same room with you as if you aren’t even there).

first-day-of-christmas-single-girl_american-apparel-juniors-fitted-tee_white_w760h760

I will never forget the first Christmas I spent as a single divorced mom.  I ran into Target to get a few last-minute items for the kid’s stockings.  I was in sweaty workout clothes, no makeup, ratty pony-tail—you get the picture—and I run into the super-geek of my childhood who tormented me from second grade to graduation with his puppy-dog devotion. 

Of course, now he was a relatively attractive attorney (no longer chubby and annoying) with his lovely fiancé who thought he was AMAZING. 

Now I was the awkward single chick at Christmas with no special someone to kiss under the mistletoe.

Ouch!

So how do you navigate the holidays as a single with all the pressure caving in around you?

Here are some tips:

Don’t settle for just anyone to fill the boyfriend/girlfriend shoes. Research from the University of Toronto suggests that the fear of being single causes both men and women to settle for less in romantic relationships.

“Sometimes they stay in relationships they aren’t happy in, and sometimes they want to date people who aren’t very good for them,” states psychology researcher Stephanie Spielmann about the study published in the December edition of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “Now we understand that people’s anxieties about being single seem to play a key role in these types of unhealthy relationship behaviors.”

Expect the Family Interrogation (and Neutralize It!)

You buy kitty litter because you know cat poop stinks.  Do the same with the family questions.  Expect the tough questions, know they will bite and prepare with some pre-planned responses to neutralize the assault.

Instead of getting defensive, respond to the “Why are you still single question?” with lighthearted humor.  Tell them, ‘I’m working hard on it, you got any tips grandma?”  And then sit back and chuckle with what she comes up with.

Focus on the Positive

I look back on that Christmas and recognize that although my single status didn’t FEEL good, I was still very blessed!  And I certainly wasn’t alone.  I had good friends, a loving family, and my children were healthy.  God was working on my broken-heart, I had a good job and enough food to eat and moneyto blow at Target on trinkets for my kiddos.  Although it was not everything I had dreamed of, it was still pretty amazing put into the right perspective.

When we throw a pity party and feel sorry for ourselves, we rob ourselves of the joy God gives us in this day and this moment.

Remember that where you are at now is not a forever status.  Seasons change, relationships ebb and flow and life has a way of always surprising you. 

And so if you run into an old childhood friend this Christmas at Target who is now married with three kids, (and your insides churn with envy) take a deep breath, give them a high-five and bless them.  Because the truth is, your blessing may be just around the corner.

5 Signs It’s Time to Move On

bigstock-Couple-Arguing-At-Breakfast-3916300

The beginning of a new relationship is often a whirlwind of euphoria, emotions and intensity.  The last thing you want to dwell on is the negative.

Why focus on the yucky stuff when the awesome part is so—well—awesome?

But you aren’t naive enough to think any relationship is problem free, right? 

Although, it’s strange how some relationships are easier from the get-go and others face strife right off the bat.

The big question we all face, at some point, in a new relationship is whether it’s worth it to invest in and work on the issues or move on to better prospects. 

When should you work through problems versus throwing up the flag and admitting the partnership simply isn’t meant to be?

(Remember, you are looking for your best match and it only takes one to reach your goal)

If your journey to finding the best relationship is plagued with skirmishes and battles, ask yourself these questions:

Does this person have the 8-10 top qualities I desire?  If the answer is yes, and they have everything you are looking for, then it might be worth it to continue on and get help to sort out the difficulties.  If the answer is no, then consider ending the relationship.

Is this person free from all the negative qualities I don’t want?  Now, we aren’t talking about a laundry list of nitpicky items you can’t stand, but a general list of the 8-10 things that you really don’t want in a mate; for example: dishonesty, stinginess, controlling behaviors, anger issues…Yes?  Move on to next question.  No?  Consider ending the relationship.

Are these minor bumps to work through or big mountainss that signal significant differences? Some problems come up because a couple doesn’t know each other well enough and haven’t figured out each other’s personality, communication style and baseline belief systems. These bumps in the road usually work themselves out over time with understanding and patience. More significant issues arise from distinct incompatibility and extreme contrasting beliefs. These kinds of difficulties mostly likely won’t go away and will only get worse.  If one of you is a follower of Christ and the other is not, these issues will more than likely drive a wedge between the two of you.  Do not expect people to change their fundamental beliefs.

Are your thoughts and opinions given credence? Are you in a safe listening environment where you both feel heard and understood?  You certainly don’t always have to agree with each other, but both partners must be willing to try.

Are you already feeling smothered, offended, frustrated and ready to explode? Generally speaking, if you can’t get along well now, it’s not going to get better.  If you’ve already reached your tipping point by month three, it’s probably time to move on.

All relationships take time to discover and discern if it’s a good fit, but once you know what you want and what you don’t want, there’s no reason to drag a relationship going nowhere on and on. 

What do you think?

How to Get Over a Bad Date

 

Angry-DateOn some date’s, the skies part and the angels sing and on other date’s –not so much.

Oh, the date started out well enough (before her head twirled around like the exorcist because you said you ate meat) but somewhere between the appetizer and dessert it skidded to AWFUL with a resounding thud.

Another face, another wasted night…bad dates can be so disheartening.

But they don’t have to derail you from staying confident and ready for the right date to come.

(Remember it only takes one great date to make all the bad ones obsolete)

Here are a few tips to keep bad dates in perspective:

Love Sets Itself Apart

From the very beginning of our relationship, I knew Tim was different from all the others I dated before. We laughed at the same jokes, enjoyed easy conversation and reveled in each other’s company. I didn’t want our first date to ever end.

This is the exact opposite of most of my previous dates.

If you find yourself replaying conversations and kicking yourself for something you did or didn’t say on a date, then it’s probably not the connection you truly desire. The right one WILL stand out from the rest and you will know because it will be AWESOME!

Your Identity is Not Based on a Random Stranger’s Approval

If we believe our behavior, appearance or attitude should be perfect on a date and vice versa for our date, we are only setting ourselves up for failure. Learn how to relax and be yourself on a date and if the other person doesn’t’ like what you have to offer, than it’s their issue.

(Now I’m not excusing bad manners, if that’s you than it’s time for a dating makeover)

God created each of us uniquely and we come in all different shapes and sizes, with gifts and talents and abilities crafted by the King. If you know and REMEMBER that you were made in the image of God, then a stranger’s approval or disapproval will not shake your core identity.

And truthfully, when you own who you are and accept yourself unconditionally, you will be the most attractive YOU because it allows others to be themselves too.

Watch for RED Flags

If something your date says sounds bizarre, ask a few more questions.

Here’s a few items that might need more information and further explanation:

“I haven’t seen my kids in a long time.”

“About five jobs ago…”

“Actually we are separated, but the divorce should be any day now.”

“I just broke up with my ex last week.”

Listen to your intuition and be willing to walk away from a date to protect yourself and your future. Do not play mental negotiations because they are “sooo’ pretty or drive a Porsche.

Just say no to a second date.

4. Play the Movie

If your date has an annoying habit that sends you reaching for the bottle of Advil, don’t make excuses. Put this baby relationship to bed and end it now. It could be something minor or something major, and quite possibly maybe its a quirk or issue you struggle with because you are mildly OCD, but if terrible table manners or an obnoxious laugh send you over the edge, the situation will not improve with time.

Play the movie forward and imagine how their laugh or open chomping mouth will drive you batty ten years from now. If the issue is a non-negotiable for you, then don’t compromise.

Enjoy the Experience

Every date, bad or good can go into your repertoire of life’s experiences. Maybe the bad date can be redeemed as a funny story to be told at a dinner party or in later years to encourage a friend. Maybe you learned a lesson about a personality type or more about yourself on the date.

As long as you act honorably and with respect on a date, then you can part ways at the end of the evening in a healthy manner and maybe the bad date will refer you to a friend who better suits your personality.

Dating is supposed to be fun, so keep it light and take the disappointments in stride as part of the journey!

3 Reasons to Date Outside the Box

When I first met my husband, he was not my usual type.  Fortunately, I was at a point in my life where I realized my type was limiting my ability to meet a good dude.

I actually had the audacity to say to my now husband on our first date, “I usually date rich jerks, but it’s not working out so hot for me.  I’m willing to try something new, so DAZZLE me with your character.”

And thank you Lord, Tim Keller DAZZLED me with his character!

I am so glad I took a chance and tried something different.  It’s not that Tim wasn’t attractive to me –he was (very much so), but he was a pastor and being a pastor’s wife was not appealing to me.

When people ask me what they can do different to meet the one, I always recommend thinking outside the box. 

Get rid of your pre-conceived notions of types –color of hair, height, occupation, bank account, and unreasonable standards of beauty.  There is nothing wrong with desiring an attractive (to you) spouse, but a super-model or a mogul with deep pockets might not make you as happy as a healthy and heart beautiful man or woman with integrity and humor and intelligence.

Beauty fades, money comes and goes, but true character is a treasure to behold.

Knowing the distinct qualities you want in a partner is one thing, but focusing on a type can hurt your chances to find love. Over and over again, Tim and I notice that those who are discerning versus overly picky are the ones who find a great relationship.

Here are a few tips to Think Outside the Box.

 Say Yes to Different!

Do you usually date skinny blonds?  Ask out a redhead, a voluptuous brunette or dark haired woman.  Are engineers your thing?  Find a gregarious teacher or a soothing therapist?  Shake it up and dare to think about dating differently.  Stop pigeonholing people into categories and start having fun meeting new people.

Date and Discover

Challenging yourself to date someone outside of your box will help you learn more about yourself. Interacting with different types of people will also expose you to new qualities you didn’t even realize you wanted in a mate.

If you want to find a person who’s adventurous, healthy, and committed to fitness, BE that person!  Work on your health to attract health!

Create a Bigger Pool of Fish

Even if you live in a small town, if you widen your pool of people you are willing to date, you will have more options and ultimately –a better chance at finding a relationship.

Remember, you don’t have to date inappropriate people.  We aren’t suggesting hitting the bars or the prison scene, just different income levels and physical characteristics you wouldn’t normally consider.  Hold on to the core values you find crucial and eventually you will find someone who has all the qualities you love!

 

The Pitfalls of Shacking Up

I listened in on –ok eavesdropped to a woman at a café the other day as she bemoaned her daughter moving in with a dude before marriage.  The woman had apparently discouraged her daughter but the girl rashly went ahead (as most young people do) and packed up her bags to shack up with her new man.

The girl claimed she wanted to “test” their compatibility before they invested the time and energy in marriage.

(Reminds me of test-driving a car)

But the problem with this popular view in culture is that relationships are not like buying or trying on a consumer product.  You generally don’t return a dress after you’ve worn it and laundered it for a year or two, right?

But that’s what we do in the “trying before buying” model of dating.

Relationships are built on a foundation of trust and security, so when you destroy the main foundation before you begin to build the structure –you end up with a house of cards just waiting to fall down.

According to research, a trial run before marriage is not the answer for couples who are considering exclusivity.

Nancy Pina –relationship expert and life coach said this, “In my experience as a Christian relationship coach, those who chose to live together experienced a decline in emotional intimacy instead of a strengthened bond.

A new study by World magazine measured feelings of commitment and intimacy for unmarried couples who live together, and found they never achieved the level of closeness married couples enjoy.”

Ouch…NEVER?

Nancy suggests that living together sets most couples up for probable failure, because at that point, at least one person in the relationship is unsure if it should lead to marriage. Instead of addressing their reservation with openness and honesty, the uncertain person agrees to a trial arrangement. As seen in the study, 52 percent of men are not “almost certain” their relationship will last. More than half had reservations about the longevity of the relationship.

(Remember that saying about “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?”)

Marriage brings security –a woman’s greatest need.  Marriage validates responsibilities and expectations within the relationship.

Shacking up is the opposite of commitment.  It is friends with benefits.  It’s an open door policy that allows for flight.  It’s “hey, I’m in as long as you meet all my needs…but if you don’t…there’s the door.”

In marriage, partners have more incentive to learn what pleases each other and they become good at it because they expect to stay together.

“Merely living together is an open question mark because the future is undecided. Cohabitation by its very nature does not promote the same deep connection of mutual trust and emotional vulnerability. Intimacy that is reserved for marriage is cheapened by this experience and cannot be replicated.” states Nancy.

What do you think?

Why You Should Date a Teacher

Quote teacher #teacher #education

It’s summertime and everywhere I turned on our recent vacation I ran into teachers having a blast–hiking Yosemite, boating, fishing, mountain-biking and celebrating life. Summer is a teacher’s reward!

Growing up with a mom and step-dad who taught high-school for almost 40 years, I know what a catch any teacher is as a parent, spouse and partner. My parents and their educator friends were some of the most intelligent, articulate and adventurous people around.

So when I saw this article on the E Harmony blog, I couldn’t resist posting!

Know a cute teacher you’re considering asking out? Do it!

Here are 15 reasons to date a teacher:

1. They’re conversationalists. All day long, teachers work to connect with students of all kinds of backgrounds, intellectual levels and work ethics.

2. Teachers can charm parents. They meet with them a lot, and know how to put people at ease. Date a teacher, and you won’t have to stress about the inevitable meet-the-parents dinner.

3. Teachers adapt quickly, whether it’s welcoming new students or embracing new curriculum. Change doesn’t faze them.

4. Teachers can explain the same thing in a variety of ways until a point is made effectively, making sure that miscommunication doesn’t hurt the relationship. Read More

My favorite is #8! Summer’s off are the bomb!

Have you ever dated a teacher?

First Date Red Flags

woman-chases-man

Ever been on a first date where something seems a bit off?  Maybe your date started crying uncontrollably before the appetizer or licked his fingers at the table with a lusty grin.

And all of a sudden your gut instinct kicks into high gear and a nagging question is raised about their character or integrity.

When a red flag appears, take the time to ask clarifying questions, unless it’s an obvious physical  boundary issue in which case you should run! 

Ten first date red flags:

  • I’m recently divorced. 

This deserves a clarifying question.  “What is recent?”  If your date says, “two years or so,” breathe a sigh of relief, smile and move on in the conversation.  If they say “almost two months” or “actually we’re  separated, but the divorce is almost final” run for the hills.

  • “I’m not really looking for a relationship, just someone to have fun with.”

Newsflash!  You will not be the muse to make him change his ways and suddenly have a new appreciation for commitment.   If you are truly looking for a relationship that could lead to marriage, he or she is not the one.

  • “I’m in between jobs right now.”

While unemployment doesn’t have to mean throwing in the dating towel, generally during a stressful time of job transition, dating takes a back seat to finding a job.  Ask more questions in this scenario.  “How long have you been out of work? What industry are you in?  Do you change jobs often?” 

  • Constant ex talk…

If the main conversation is the ex-girlfriend or ex-husband then your date is still emotionally unavailable.  Move on to someone who is ready to pay attention to you.  Rebound dating stinks!

  • He looks at other women with obvious interest. 

If he’s checking out the options now, you can guarantee he’ll be looking later.  Flee!

  • He/she is mean to the server or tips stingily.

If your date doesn’t give common courtesy and operate with generosity to the people who wait on them, then expect similar treatment in a relationship.  Kind people are kind across the board –no exceptions.

  • They move towards sex on the first date. 

Anyone trying to get in your pants on the first date clearly isn’t thinking “long-term” relationship.  Just say “no thanks.”

  • She’s a diva. 

If she throws a tantrum, complains loudly or shows more drama than a stage production –move on.

  • They over-imbibe. 

Call it nerves (or possibly alcoholism) but if your date gets drunk on the first date they may lack self-control in stressful social situations.  Not a keeper…throw back!

  • Are they obnoxious?  Competitive?  Loud and attention-getting? 

Are you cringing in your seat tem minutes into the date?  It will not get better and unlike a pet that barks too loud, you will have to appear in public with this person (if you are in a relationship) and it will only get worse.

  • Other red flags? 

Depressed, clingy, lives with parents after age twenty-five, has small children that live in another state, works 24/7, takes calls during the date, and can’t remember your name.

Last tip…

Don’t ignore the flashing blinky signals your date is giving off –no matter how pretty she is or how wealthy he is. (We mean it!)

What are some of the RED FLAGS you watch out for?

 

 

%d bloggers like this: