Text Me, Maybe?


Smartphones are supposed to make our lives easier, right?

We can work and socialize 24/7. It’s instant access all the time.

But in the dating realm this idea of non-stop “availability” backfires.

They need to add a warning label to the little white Apple box.

*Although communication at the speed of light may be beneficial it can also be harmful to relationships. Text and post with caution*

The truth is, humans aren’t meant to know and pursue each at the speed of Facebook and instant messaging.

Here’s the challenge of texting in the first stage of a relationship.

Men love a chase. Women love to talk. Add in texting and it’s a recipe for disaster.

Scenario 1: A guy messages a gal. Within two seconds she responds with a series of three dings, because her response has exceeded the data limits for any one message.

The guy texts back, using all the words he has to communicate in a day on her, and she responds back instantly with another five-paragraph essay.

After a few days or weeks of this text exchange, the guy starts getting carpal tunnel syndrome in his thumbs and then begins to lose interest in the woman, feeling bogged down by all the emotional effort upfront.

“She” can’t understand why all of a sudden after a week or two of heated pursuit he now seems distant and the messages are becoming more sporadic. So she responds even faster to his messages until they run dry and then stop altogether.

And then she scratches her head and wonders “what went wrong?”

But if she played her Smartphone cards a little more strategically, she might get a different response.

Scenario 2: A guy messages a gal. Four hours later she responds. During that four hours the guy thinks about her and wonders what she is doing. He can’t keep his mind on his work and he is now intrigued with her even more. Repeat…

When she does respond to his text, it is both sincere and concise. And while she certainly doesn’t play games, she knows that “too available” is not desirable.

The man falls for her hook, line and sinker and a year later she can text her girlfriends all she wants of her preferences for neon pink bridesmaids dresses.

Why being “too available” is not a good thing.

Imagine trying to play a game of hide and seek and the person hiding stands right behind the seeker shouting “here I am” every time they play the game. After a while the seeker would give up because the person hiding is no fun to play with. In fact, they are downright annoying. There is no suspense, no investment and ultimately “no finding” which is always the best part of the game.

But this is what women do with technology. We over-do it by being constantly available and destroy a budding relationship when its fragile and without roots. We “oh so covertly” cyber-stalk and linger on his Facebook Page wondering who he is talking to and freaking out about every girl who posts on his timeline.

Insecurity is not pretty, but it’s really unattractive when the world reads it on Instagram.

Men can fall into this trap too. If a woman feels stalked by too many posts or text messages, she will pull back and retreat. On the other hand a man might not communicate at all, thus leaving the gal feeling ignored. Finding the right balance of interest towards a woman without obsession or negligence is generally the best option.

FYI…Texting a girl after the second date, “where are you?” and “who are you with?” is a bad idea guys.

So, keep in mind the netiquette of dating well: text intentionally, turn off your “find me anywhere” button, become a good “hider” and play smarter than the average dater with your mobile device.

Have you had any bad texting experiences when dating someone new?


  1. Yes, I have. A friend introduced me to her brother in law. We started our communication through text messaging, mainly because we lived 80 miles from each other. It was fun and exciting getting to know each other. I was quite surprised that he texted so much. We dated for 8 mos. During that time, his text messaging became overwhelming; always saying I love you, I miss you, what are you doing, where are you at…etc, etc. If I didn’t respons in a timely manner, I would get the phone call. If I answered, I would get the 20 questions. If I didn’t answer, I would get voicemail after voicemail. After 8 mos, I discovered that he wasn’t a healthy person, so I ended it.
    I learned from that experience. Now, I am limited on my messaging via mobile. I avoid the FB communication. I encourage our communication via phone.

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