When I first met my husband, he was not my usual type. Fortunately, I was at a point in my life where I realized my type was limiting my ability to meet a good dude.
I actually had the audacity to say to my now husband on our first date, “I usually date rich jerks, but it’s not working out so hot for me. I’m willing to try something new, so DAZZLE me with your character.”
And thank you Lord, Tim Keller DAZZLED me with his character!
I am so glad I took a chance and tried something different. It’s not that Tim wasn’t attractive to me –he was (very much so), but he was a pastor and being a pastor’s wife was not appealing to me.
When people ask me what they can do different to meet the one, I always recommend thinking outside the box.
Get rid of your pre-conceived notions of types –color of hair, height, occupation, bank account, and unreasonable standards of beauty. There is nothing wrong with desiring an attractive (to you) spouse, but a super-model or a mogul with deep pockets might not make you as happy as a healthy and heart beautiful man or woman with integrity and humor and intelligence.
Beauty fades, money comes and goes, but true character is a treasure to behold.
Knowing the distinct qualities you want in a partner is one thing, but focusing on a type can hurt your chances to find love. Over and over again, Tim and I notice that those who are discerning versus overly picky are the ones who find a great relationship.
Here are a few tips to Think Outside the Box.
Say Yes to Different!
Do you usually date skinny blonds? Ask out a redhead, a voluptuous brunette or dark haired woman. Are engineers your thing? Find a gregarious teacher or a soothing therapist? Shake it up and dare to think about dating differently. Stop pigeonholing people into categories and start having fun meeting new people.
Date and Discover
Challenging yourself to date someone outside of your box will help you learn more about yourself. Interacting with different types of people will also expose you to new qualities you didn’t even realize you wanted in a mate.
If you want to find a person who’s adventurous, healthy, and committed to fitness, BE that person! Work on your health to attract health!
Create a Bigger Pool of Fish
Even if you live in a small town, if you widen your pool of people you are willing to date, you will have more options and ultimately –a better chance at finding a relationship.
Remember, you don’t have to date inappropriate people. We aren’t suggesting hitting the bars or the prison scene, just different income levels and physical characteristics you wouldn’t normally consider. Hold on to the core values you find crucial and eventually you will find someone who has all the qualities you love!
There’s my problem; I just date bigger fish in the pond instead of a bigger pond of fish.
I believe in being Body, Mind and Spirit healthy….Knowing who you are and loving yourself as God loves you. I believe I am meant to marry but am far from desperate enough to align myself with someone who doesn’t have a similar loves, self-respect for themselves. If finding a special someone was a numbers game, ya, sure, lower your expectations to increase the numbers. But in the end, I am only praying for one, so compromising what God has laid on my heart seems/feels like manipulating my strategies in finding someone and placing God in a box. Shouldn’t we live with Imagination and faith that God will deliver big on His promises? You’re right, character is huge, but compromising who you align yourself with just to INCREASE your chances (As if God isn’t big enough to deliver and blow away your expectations!!!) If your heart is not settled on those things claimed to be outside the box…DON’T force it for the sakes of merely increased chances.
Never once did we say compromise. We suggested you date someone who has a different “type” than the one people get stuck on. A type being a certain look or occupation. Never compromise on your core desired traits. One day we will all get old and beauty fades along with power and money. We reccomend this is not how you define others and not how you determine dates. We are suggesting you look beyond image management to the heart.
Good luck!
Very good advice! I agree! Sometimes people have to try outside of the box because that leads them to discovering more of themselves and even what they REALLY want!