10 Reasons to Date a Single Parent -Reason #2

Reason 2: Lower Expectations

She Knows Prince Charming is a Fairy Tale

A single mom is not as high maintenance as a woman still struggling with the princess syndrome.  She’s already worn the dress, taken a ride in the carriage that turned back into a pumpkin and lost her silver slipper.  She doesn’t want the illusion of a Prince Charming; she wants a real man who though imperfect is willing to give her his all.

Single moms play fewer games.  If she doesn’t like you she will tell you.  If she’s into money, she’ll let you know right off the bat.  When a woman only has every other weekend to date, she has to be efficient and get to the point.  She is done messing around.

According to AskMen.com, “The advantage to the single mother is that she has been through the game and is confident of her relationship needs.  Most men who need a translator to decipher female code can appreciate this: you may not need one with a single mother because she does not have the time or energy to be playful or mysterious. She will tell you upfront what she expects and wants from you.”

A single mom doesn’t care if you have all your hair.  She wants to know if your few strands of hair will be will around in ten years.  She seeks stability, honesty, and most importantly integrity.  Inner qualities become far more important to a woman with children than a flashy car or a big bank account. 

A single mom seeks less image management and more authentic character. 

Now let’s consider the guys.  A single dad knows CHARACTER matters.  He’s realized beauty fades but ugly goes all the way to the bone.  He’s learned the attributes of stability, honesty and integrity matter.  He understands a good woman is a true treasure and this time around he will search for the pearls not just the flashy gems. 

For Reason #1: Depth of Life Experiences

–Samantha and Tim

10 Reasons to Consider Dating a Single Parent

It wasn’t too long ago when I was a single mom.  Let me restate that.  I was a Christian single mom.

The “Christian” moniker alone made me pickier than most gals because I wanted more than an attractive warm body with a job, I wanted an attractive warm body with a heart for Jesus and a job. 

(And yes I am OVERSIMPLIFYING on what I wanted in a man because honesty, intelligence, passion, generosity, love of family, etc… were all on my list of must-haves as well)

It’s not an easy gig being a single parent.  I went on dates every other weekend.  I didn’t sleep much and I was an extreme Starbucks addict.  In between caring for my kiddos and football and ballet and cheer and keyboard, and the million other activities my kids love, I looked for dating candidates.  I searched at lunch break via Match.com, networked at Christian singles events and on Sunday’s at church. 

I had one eye on my kids and the other eye roving for a suitable Christian male.  I searched long and hard for the good ones because quite frankly, there was a lot at stake -namely my darling munchkins.

After a few years in the dating scene, I noticed how certain guys backed off as soon as I mentioned I had kids.  Eventually, it came to the point where after I shook hands and stated my name, I blurted out my single mama status.  If a guy was going to run, it was better to have him flee after a breif meeting over coffee then waste both our time and effort on an evening out.

I met my pastor husband at church.  And even though he didn’t have kids he was willing to take a risk on a single mom and love my kids as his own.  (Thank you Jesus!)

Now happily remarried, I often hear the plight of single moms and dads who feel like they get discriminated against as a single parent. 

I know, I know…it’s lame!  I remember all too well.

So, I decided to write a series on the benefits of dating a single parent and champion our cause.

Because I think single parents are a hidden treasure! And I know there are Christian singles without kids, who with a little encouragement could change a FAMILY for good.

Yes, the kids are around ALL the time.  But these little monkeys might surprise you if you give them a chance! 

Reason 1: Depth of Life Experiences

A Single Parent Has Seen a Few Things

A single parent has navigated a far rockier terrain than the average young man or woman.  From sleepless nights, to dealing with a cranky ex, to juggling a career and kids and dating –a single parent has an easier time putting things in perspective.  If the worst thing that ever happened to a guy or gal is not getting into their “A” List law school or losing a few Z’s to wake up for the Nordstrom’s half-yearly sale,  they might also have a tendency to freak out if their significant other loses his job or some other devastating but non-life threatening occurrence.

A single parent has already been through a sizable amount of suffering and trauma.  They know what is worth crying about and what is spilled milk because their toddler does it on daily basis at meal-time.  They have a PhD in the school of hard knocks and they have learned how to survive and thrive on their own and yet still be responsible for little Jr. 

A single parent won’t waste their time on trivial matters.  They have a sharp compass and wisdom tucked away in their pocket.  They have empathy and development of character which can only be learned through trial and conflict.  A single parent has seen pain and joy and experienced life on a deeper level.

Hellen Keller said it best…”Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. ”

Sounds like a good reason to consider dating a single parent!  But wait…I’ve got nine more.  Stay tuned for reason #2 in my next post.

–Samantha

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/h/helenkelle101340.html#exxzyKA42f1HkzD6.99

Becoming One

Hi friends!  We want to invite you to a retreat we are speaking at in November up in Lake Arrowhead.

Please join us to meet new friends, laugh, and hang out with us in the nice cool mountains! (don’t we need a break from this heat?)

We are teaching on building a strong foundation for a dating relationship.

Details

Christian Singles Fall Retreat “Becoming ONE” November 9-11 (Veteran’s 3-day holiday weekend) in forest-covered mountains at Thousand Pines Christian Retreat Center.

Relax & give yourself a weekend to enjoy God’s creation!

Comedy with Retreat MC Nick Arnette
Relationship Building Activities Offered – Campfire, 3 Group Hikes, Ping Pong, Foos Ball & Pool Table Tourney, Ropes Course, Climbing Wall, Zip Line, 1 Hour Mountain Bike Tour, Paintball, Skatepark, Frisbee Golf, Lake Gregory (mile away), much more.

Awesome Teaching – Tim & Samantha Keller, Brynn Taylor Ashford, Kim Cummins Caskey, Jim Eagon, Skits & Fun Surprises.

Inspired Worship – The Jim Gray Band & Special Musical Guest Artist Jesica Specht

Don’t wait…spots are reserved for 50 MEN & 50 WOMEN at the retreat center!

Register, payments and view photos at the retreat website http://www.GodsLoveFinder.com/.

Looking forward to seeing you there!

Breaking up is Hard to do

How to Break up

One of the questions we often get at our dating seminars is “how do I break up with someone who isn’t a good fit?” Many daters find themselves in relationships of convenience with no commitment and no end in sight. It’s hard to end a relationship that is comfortable, but not God’s best for a long-term commitment.

Because being alone is scary (and breaking up is hard to do) we stall and stall and wait and hope for something to change.

I (Samantha) ended one particularly bad relationship in an unconventional way.

A Different Approach?

And it’s no magic formula.

I simply prayed for God to give me a way out.

The relationship wasn’t going well. He wanted marriage and I wasn’t even sure I liked him, but I felt trapped because of some ill-advised financial intermingling. I knew God needed to intervene to get me to move on.

Within twenty-four hours of my prayer, the guy was gone thanks to a divine miracle. A misunderstanding turned into a fiasco and instead of trying to fix it, I let it rip the relationship apart –exactly what I had prayed for.

It needed to be his idea for me to recoup the money I had loaned him. (By the way…never lend money to a new boyfriend or girlfriend unless you plan on kissing it goodbye)

Sometimes having the courage to break up is the hardest part. But I believe God will give us the strength if we ask for it.

And even when we are a big wuss, like I was, God offered me an opportunity to get out. And that was all I needed.

Here are some more ways, but we still recommend starting with prayer.

Tips to end a bad relationship:

  1. Find a neutral place to meet. Do not meet at his or her home.
  2. This means you have to meet in person! Texting or calling is for Jr. High.
  3. Schedule a meeting with a friend about an hour later so you have an excuse to leave and the conversation doesn’t drag on.
  4. Repeat over and over like a broken record. “It’s just not going to work out. “
  5. Do not use blame or shame.
  6. Be empathetic but do not try to fix the pain. Walk away.
  7. Un-friend on social media after the break up.
  8. Do not kiss goodbye or be close physically.
  9. Avoid the old places you both frequented for a time.

Do you have any good advice for making a break up less painful?

Phot Credit: Dian Waskita

Gift-Giving in a New Relationship

Our son Kyle creatively asking a girl to Homecoming!

I’ll never forget buying my first boyfriend a gift for Christmas.  I agonized over each hint the young man dropped and mulled on all his interests.   I finally settled on an expensive cologne I knew he desired and hoped he would love it. 

He did…

Whew!  I was sixteen years old and it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders if I got the gift wrong. 

Did you know the #1 search internet search engine term during the holidays is “Best Boyfriend Gift” and “Great Gift for a Girlfriend?”  Apparently, I’m not the only one who struggles.

Why is picking a gift so painful?

The truth is a gift reflects the state of our heart and the value we place on the relationship.  Now I’m not talking about spending an inordinate amount of money to impress someone, although that will certainly send a message, but with a gift –it really is the thought that counts.

When Tim and I started dating, Valentine’s Day crept up fast.  We had only been dating about four weeks.  The relationship was new and fragile at best.  I knew Tim wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend but I was stalling him (as women often do) until I worked out a few issues in my heart (mainly –getting serious with a pastor).

But Valentine’s Day was THE turning point.  Tim exceeded all my expectations.  His GIFT literally turned my head.

A Thoughtful Gift Speaks Volumes

I will never forget the day.

My little daughter Faith opened the front door to fetch the newspaper around 6:00a.m. Valentine’s morn and she started squealing with delight.  My son and I ran to the door and discovered a bounty of Valentine’s love.

There were chocolate kisses and rose petals sprinkled all over the door stoop.  A three-foot hand-drawn card drew my attention depicting Tim and I holding hands with a note asking “Will you be my Valentine?”  A glass vase burst forth with a bouquet of vibrant red roses and a giant chocolate kiss accompanied it.  But the best part of all the treats was the multitude of cut-out hearts with affirmations sprinkled across my door mat.

They read, “#1 Mom,” “Beautiful Smile, and “Clever”…and so forth. 

I was overwhelmed by his solicitous attention and lavish love.  He called me shortly afterwards, playing dumb and invited me to a nice restaurant for dinner. Of course I said YES!

Well done Tim Keller!

At around 4:00pm, another man pursuing me sent me a text saying, “Happy Heart Day.”  That was it –a crappy text message.  Really? 

It couldn’t be clearer.  I knew who the man was worth keeping.  And to this day Tim continues to surprise and astonish me with his love and thoughtfulness.

The Best Gift in a New Dating Relationship

As Tim showed, it wasn’t the amount of money he dropped on a present, although roses and chocolate aren’t cheap, but it was clearly the time and energy he invested in making the card and affirmations, and then schlepping it all over to my house in the middle of the night.

His effort was priceless.

A great gift is a thoughtful gift.  It’s a gift that surprises and makes someone feel special.  It’s a gift that honors.  One of Tim’s favorite gifts was a blog post I wrote for him on his birthday called “10 Reasons to Celebrate Tim Keller on His 41st Birthday.”  It certainly wasn’t pricy but it did take some concentrated time and effort on my part to pull it together.  Tim felt respected in front of all his friends and that was big win for me.

So as Christmas approaches and you wonder what the heck to get the great person you just started dating, remember to think OUTSIDE the box.  Pray about it.  Talk with friends and unleash your creative spirit. 

Your extra-thoughtful gift this year just might be the turning point to start a lasting relationship.

Help for the Broken Dating Picker

A Dating Epiphany

I’ll never forget the moment I saw Date or Soul Mate by Neil Clark Warren on Tim’s bookshelf. I whipped my head around and asked him, “Do you have a top 10 list?”

Tim glanced up from his coffee and smiled, “Yes, actually I do.”

“Ok, I am going to drive home and get my list and then I will call you and we are going to read them to each other on the phone,” I instructed as I hustled out the door.

The Top 10 List

The “Top 10 List” is a list of MUST Haves and CAN’T stands every dater would be wise to make to know exactly who and what they are looking for in a relationship.

Warren’s book describes a simple method of making a list of the crucial qualities desired in a mate and conversely, another list of undesirable characteristics.

By having both in hand, it’s easier to find out if the person you are dating is worth keeping around. In fact, you can usually do it in just a couple of dates.

Personally, it forced me to stop holding on to guys who met most but not all of my requirements.

Ladies…this means if he’s rich but RUDE, drop the jackwaggon! And guys, no matter how HOT she is…if she’s stupid or self-absorbed or bad with money, let her go! (I mean it guys!)

Fixing a Broken Dating Picker

Personally, I was the girl who kept compromising in the spiritual area. I really wanted a man who would lead me and be as passionate for Christ as I was but I didn’t meet many men who fit this scenario. After an endless parade of men who went to church with me but couldn’t talk about my favorite topics –theology and spirituality, I had to decide if “loving God” was a deal-breaker or a negotiable.

My heart said NON-negotiable. So when I finally stopped dating the type of guys who didn’t match up in this area it was easier to find what I was looking for.

Now, Tim and I had dated about six weeks by the time I found the dating book on his shelf and we were already falling head over heels for each other. I prayed earnestly all the way home that he met ALL of the qualities on my list. But I was ready to let him go if there were any red flags.

(Clearly, as a pastor I already knew he loved God, but I didn’t know if he had the rest of my list nailed down yet.)

About twenty minutes later I pulled into the driveway of my condo, ran to my overstuffed bookshelf, found my journal and opened my Top 10 list. I reached for the phone and dialed him.

Must Haves and Can’t Stands

It turned out my top three MUST HAVES were identical to Tim’s.

  1. Love God with all your heart
  2. Desire to be physically active
  3. Understand my call to ministry

Our lists matched up perfectly!

Boy was I was relieved that wealth wasn’t a MUST HAVE on my list and Tim hadn’t included kids as a deal-breaker on his.

I have to believe God knew exactly what he was doing when he paired the two of us up together.

But I also know that I needed to get to a point where I knew exactly what I wanted and just as importantly –what I didn’t want, before I could see what a true catch Tim was to me.

Have you made a TOP 10 list yet?

–Samantha

Should Women Ask Men Out?

The cards filled up the podium –stacks of yellow flash cards with questions for the two of us.  My husband and I were speaking at a conference on love, sex and dating and we were wrapping up our session with some Q &A. 

One of the piles was larger than the rest and I realized about ten people had asked the same question. Curious, I pointed at the cards for Tim to read next.

Tim picked up the cards, flipped through them, and then read aloud, “Can a woman ask a man out?”

His deep voice boomed out into the audience and all the women in the room looked up at us in anticipation.

Tim began to share his opinion while I perched up on my stool and articulated my thoughts.

My husband recommended that if a man has indicated some interest in a woman then she can confidently suggest “you should ask me out.” 

So the woman is making her interest clear to a man and making it known she is available.

But if the guy say’s no and shows zero interest in arranging another time or place to meet, it’s time for the woman to move on.

I AGREE.

But I think this holds true for both men and women.  If a guy asks a girl out and she says no, and then he asks again and again, and she still says no, then the guy needs to move on.

We tend to take “NO” so personally but if we tweaked our model just a bit, and looked  at asking someone out (or encouraging someone to ask us out) as more of an interview process and less of an emotional minefield, it would take a great deal of the pressure off.

When you go out on more dates than less…each individual date takes on less significance making it easier to act like yourself. 

It’s the whole idea of putting all your eggs in one basket.  When it comes to first dates, spread the eggs around and try MANY baskets. 

I want to be clear here, I’m talking about FIRST DATES and doing things like taking a walk and getting an ice cream cone, or meeting at a coffee shop.  I am not referring to hooking up and being the Easter Bunny hoochie or poochie (if you are a guy).

So ladies…BE BOLD and be ENCOURAGING.

And help guys ask you out.  Maybe this isn’t as easy as directly asking them out, but it is certainly more honoring and respectful to a man.

When I was single, if I was interested in a guy I usually invited him to a group event.  If he said yes and showed up, I gauged his interest.  Usually, with a little encouragement, a guy will then make the leap to asking a woman out.

Chivalry is not dead; we simply need to re-train our men to become the hero’s they were designed to be.

What do you think?  Is it ok for women to ask men out?

–Samantha

Further reference: A great book to read is Neil Clark Warren’s Date or Soul Mate for more on the interview process.

Photo Credit: From creativejuicephotography.blogspot.com

Counting the Cost

My friend Bob has an eye for beautiful women –beautiful and wounded women.

Not surprisingly, the woman he is currently dating is in the middle of a tough divorce.  Their relationship is intimate and this isn’t the first time he has found himself in this situation.

Once again, Bob finds himself racked with guilt, shame, and remorse.  Inevitably, it ends in a broken relationship with the woman feeling used and embittered.

Over and over, Bob ends up feeling distant from the God he loves and desires to serve, fully aware there is a better way to live.  I know he has seen the type of relationships he desires –one based on love and honesty where intimacy is appropriately saved until the day the wedding vows are exchanged.  And I know in the deepest part of his heart, godly intimacy and a loving marriage is what he desires.

So why does he continue to fall into the same rut every time?  Why does he put himself in this painful situation over and over?  Isn’t the reverberation of guilt and shame enough to cause him to move in a different direction?

It reminds me of the simple house fly.  Painfully, no matter how many times he smacks in to the window, he can’t get out.  And unless he finds another way, he will die on the windowsill.

I have some theories on this.

First, I don’t want to discount that patternistic disobedience can often be linked to addiction.  He may simply be a sex addict.  And he knows that he can get his sexual desires met by preying on hurting women looking for love in the aftermath of a broken relationship.  I won’t go into an in-depth analysis on addiction here, but there are some great resources for men and women dealing with sexual addiction and seeking sobriety at http://www.sa.org/.

Second, I also don’t want to overlook his broken past.  Having gone through a horrific divorce with his ex-wife, I know he has a hard time trusting women.  But clearly he can’t justify his behavior,  and he and I both know he needs to come to a place of forgiveness because the pain of resentment is destroying him.

So why doesn’t Bob get the help that he needs?  If he wants to honor God in his relationships and experience the trust and intimacy from a godly marriage, why doesn’t Bob pursue healing?  I think it’s possible it all stems from an innate, subconscious cost/benefit analysis that keeps many of us trapped in sin.

Let me lay it out for you.  My friend Bob knows he needs to kick his sexual addiction, and it will take some time.  Many Christian psychologists will tell you it takes a minimum of a year of hard work(often with multiple meetings each week).  And if he desires to gain the trust of a Godly woman, he needs to establish a track record of sexual purity.   He is going to need to put some time between his sexual promiscuity and his future dating life. Let’s say that all of this work takes about 1 ½ years.

Then, he is going to have to begin dating with the intent to find a suitable wife.  This is no easy search.  It is possible with his new mindset, the first person he dates might meet his criteria and he is off to the races.  But I have been around way too many relationships to know how unlikely this is.

Even with a plan to date with the intent to marry, it takes a lot of time to find someone suitable.  Let’s say that this search takes at least another year.  Then, if he is going to really get to know his new-found girlfriend, he will need time to build a relationship.  Because he has kids from his previous marriage, I imagine the woman he dates will probably also have kids.

I believe the best process to foster trust and prepare for all of life’s circumstances requires dating through the seasons.  And even if Bob asks her to marry him before the calendar year culminates, they are going to need to plan the wedding.  Even the most accelerated timetable requires a few months to execute.  So let’s say that from their first date to the wedding night will be between 12 and 18 months.

Now let’s do the math:

Breaking addiction, finding healing, establishing purity   1½ years
Search for a suitable partner                                           1 year
First date to marriage                                                      1 to 1½ year   
Total Time Elasped                                                         3½ to 4 years

It is my belief this simple time equation is what keeps people from pursuing God’s best for their life.

Discipline and life-change takes time, and it is hard work, and there are no shortcuts.

I am living proof that the benefit far outweighs the cost, but I can’t convince Bob of this.  He has struggled through his broken sexual relationships for eight years now.

I believe when he counts the cost of pursuing God’s will for his relational life, he believes it is just too high.

But is it?

If he would have started five years ago, his story could be so different.  He can’t imagine staying sexually pure for a month, let alone a couple of years.  So he throws in the towel and continues the pattern.  But what are his alternatives?

I wonder how long he will continue to fly into the window before he dies on the window sill.

–Tim

Photo Credit: Pinterest

You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling…

As a pastor, part of my job is to give encouragement and hope to those in relational conflict.  Even though God created us as relational beings, most relationships at some point face a trial or obstacle that seems insurmountable.

I see people struggle with their dating lives, an upcoming engagement or marriage; not to mention the many difficulties that crop up with family members, friends, co-workers and classmates.

But the most common phrase I’ve heard over the years, from people hurtling towards relational demise, is some form of this: “We have fallen out of love.”

Sounds like the familiar song from Top Gun, (remember Maverick and Goose belting it out to the blonde beauty at the bar?) “You’ve lost that loving feeling, now it’s gone, gone gone…wooa wooa woah.”

But is love a feeling to be won, accidentally found or somehow lost?

A recent survey of divorce lawyers in England revealed that “falling out of love” is the number one reason marriages fail.

I have a close friend who got married soon after college. We had many long discussions about why he wanted to get married, and the simple truth was he felt she “deserved” it. She had stuck with him through some crazy times in college and they had been physically intimate for years. He wasn’t sure he wanted to get married, but felt like it would be inappropriate to dump her after she had put up with so much and given him everything, so he asked for her hand.

They did okay for a while, but their relationship was difficult at best. I’m not sure he ever had the feelings he thought he should for the woman he married. Eventually, after settling down in a home in the suburbs and having a couple of kids, my friend called me and confessed. “I think I have just fallen out of love with her,” he declared. “I just don’t feel it anymore.”

After a long discussion, I realized he was getting attention from a number of other women in his workplace, which led him down the path of questioning if he even wanted his marriage anymore.

Now I understand how it works when it comes to music or food. A song we “love” and listen to every day eventually becomes annoying and we say we don’t love it anymore.

We fall in love with the new Memphis BBQ Six Dollar Burger from Carl’s Jr. for a week or two, but when we can’t pull hard enough to clasp our belt on the last hole and we can’t get the BBQ stain out of our favorite t-shirt, we fall out of love just as quickly returning to the Lo Cal Tofu Caesar Wrap at the local health food restaurant.

But when we talk about real love, relational love, the type of love described in the Bible, it seems to me love isn’t something we “fall” into or out of.

For all the Greek scholars out there, there are a few different words for the English word love. There is a word for familial love (storge), a word for friendship or brotherly love (phileo), and another word for passionate love (eros); but the word I want to discuss is the type of love Jesus modeled for us and called us to have for one another. That word is agape, or unconditional love.

Our ability to love this way is thus initiated by God. John talks about this love in 1 John 4. He compels us to “…love (agape) one another, for love (agape) comes from God.” He goes on to say that “We love because he (God) first loved us.”

If this is true, it seems as though we are incapable of having this “agape” love unless we have received it first from God. And what this passage communicates is that true love is not a feeling at all, it is a choice. And as God chose us, we get to choose to love one another.

So when a married couple comes to me and declares they have “fallen out of love” I generally respond with this truth: they have CHOSEN to stop loving each other, and fallen out of nothing.

As a pastor, one of my duties is to officiate weddings.  During the ceremony, I often refer to the words of Paul as he describes this type of love. 1 Corinthians 13 states: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

When I read this passage, I recognize I don’t fall in or out of any of these things! The last time I was in the express lane at the grocery store and the person in front of me piled thirty-seven items on the conveyor belt with a corresponding coupon for each item, I and only I, decide how to react (or overreact).  I  can choose to churn with frustration or move towards building patience.

Patience is difficult and elusive – something we must choose if we are going to love like Jesus loved us. All of the things on this list are choices. I have never once fallen into patience, humility, generosity, kindness or honesty.

This proves to me that LOVE IS A CHOICE!

After long conversations with my friend, he recognized that if he was going to save his marriage, he was going to have to begin choosing love. And I am happy to report that he did. He stopped listening to the tempting voices of other women, recognizing they were only attracted to his status and income.

He did the math on a future separated from his wife and kids, a life of child support, visiting rights and being alone. He played out the movie in his head and shuddered at the ending he was moving towards.

Then he began to make the difficult and daily decisions of kindness, protection, humility and truthfulness. And you know what happened? His feelings followed!

It didn’t take long for the passion in his marriage to return. Before long, the marriage of my friend who CHOSE to love his wife became a marriage others wanted. It was full of fun and joy, intimacy and excitement.

Do you believe that love is a choice?

–Tim

Sources: http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2011/aug/31/divorce-family-finances

8 Keys to Divorce Proof Marriage

I found an amusing article on a country music blog about divorce (not to say there is anything remotely fun about divorce), but this boot-scooting boogey website did a poll and asked their readers to send in their best tips to divorce proof a marriage.

Here are the tips they gave to unmarried’s…

* Don’t have a baby out-of-wedlock

* Finish high school

* Don’t marry until your 20s

* Know your partner for at least a year

* Don’t live with too many partners outside of marriage

* Get a decent job

While these are relevant suggestions, I think they forget a few biggies.

Research proves the single most effective element in preventing divorce in a marriage is PRAYER and strangely enough I don’t even see it on the list.

 

Couples who attend church and pray together have a much lower divorce rate then the current 51% divorce rate.

The University of Virginia’s Brad Wilcox found that church attendance on a regular basis reduces the likelihood of divorce by 30 percent to 35 percent. Wilcox’s research supports another study by Annette Mahoney of Bowling Green State University, which independently came to a similar conclusion.

But it’s not just going to church, when you insert prayer along with a lifestyle of faith, thoughts of divorce tumble.

A 1998 survey by the Georgia Family Council discovered that in marriages where couples prayed together weekly, only 7 percent had seriously considered divorce, compared to 65 percent of those who did not pray together.

So, maybe not having a kid outside of wedlock is a good idea and a great job never hurts, but when the cards are down and the struggles of marriage emerge, it’s the couples who get on their knees and cry out to God who tend to make it.

Do you have any tips to avoiding divorce?

Sources: Focus on the Family