Guys, Dating and Literotica

 

The Popularity of Literotica

We’re always on the lookout for new and quirky dating material.  When we stumbled upon Christian Hudson’s new book the Girlfriend Activation System, the hair on our necks prickled in revulsion.  Just for clarity, Hudson’s book is compelling to us from a social research perspective, but we are not promoting or recommending it. 

We do want to address his method for attracting women though.

Hudson’s book is based on the theory that women have a built-in “obsessive story” gene which he identified in the popularity of “literotica.”  Basically, the guy looked at how women are enthralled with books like 50 Shades of Gray and came up with a systematic plan for guys to land a girlfriend.

His plan involves conflict and romance and as far as we are concerned a huge dose of manipulation.  It reminds me of the movie “Hitch,” where Will Smith plays a dating expert and guides men into landing the woman of their dreams –only it backfires when women realize they have been played the fool.

Fake or Real?

A guy might argue women use manipulation themselves by creating a facade they never intend to maintain.  And rightly so, this reeks of striving and image management.  But whether it is men using this plan or a woman –anytime we base a dating approach based on deception it is bound to fail. 

And the failure might not even be seen in the dating realm but later sneaks up in marriage (and then divorce). 

The biggest problem with Hudson’s theory goes much deeper than the surface.  Hudson’s strategy just might work if a guy is willing (and financially able)to meet a woman’s innate need for rescuing, but the problem is that only God can ever truly meet these needs for a woman long-term. 

Playing God?

And when a guy tries to play God to land a hot chick he is meandering onto a minefield.

Guys, do you really want to have to try to be the end-all and be-all to a woman for the rest of your life?  Wouldn’t you rather allow God to be her savior and simply be yourself –a real man, imperfect and flawed but loved for yourself and not some fake image you have created.

Romance is great when it’s genuine and motivated by the heart.  But once a woman has been lavished with attention…good luck in backing off.  It sounds like a recipe for one bitter wife.

High Expectations usually make for one big dissapointment. 

Christian Dating Needs to be Different

Women do have a need to be rescued.  God put it there to draw women to himself.  He didn’t put it there for a guy to step into that role.

We think there should be an addendum chapter to his book –How to tell your new wife who you really are, now that you have duped her into marriage with your pseudo James Bond.

What do you think? 

 

Photo Credit:  Source: google.com via Jacy on Pinterest

Duped Dating? Waiting and Waiting and Waiting for Marriage

Postponing Marriage

We have a thirteen-year old son.  Imagine if we sat down with him and told him he probably wouldn’t get married until he was at least thirty years old (or older according to the world’s standards of success) and because he is a good Christian boy we fully expect him to postpone his sexual desires for the next seventeen plus years. 

Now our son who is entering his freshman year in high school is already highly attracted to the ladies, so to get him to buy into this preposterous idea of postponing his sexual desire for seventeen years is absurd. He would more than likely laugh in our face or maybe behind a closed door just to be respectful.

Do We Really Have to Have Life all Figured Out?

But this is the reality of what we are asking Christian singles to do every day.  The world tells us to wait and postpone marriage until we have our college loans paid off, money in the bank, an illustrious career and a home complete with a large mortgage.  But how many young people out of college are in this situation?  None!  And so we wait, and wait and wait some more until we wake up one day and realize we aren’t getting any younger, all the good ones are gone, and we have still yet to achieve the elusive dream of getting our act together.

The result is a generation of single Christians left frustrated by their uncontrollable sexual appetites and inability to control their impulses who feel like somehow they missed out on something good along the way. 

Denying Our Sexual Nature

Martin Luther in his 16th century Estate of Marriage identified this very dilemma of denying or postponing our sexual nature as he witnessed how young men and women attempting to make a celibate vow for the purpose of following Jesus fell into uncontrollable secret sins. 

“For this word which God speaks, “Be fruitful and multiply,” is not a command. It is more than a command, namely, a divine ordinance which it is not our prerogative to hinder or ignore. Rather, it is just as necessary as the fact that I am a man, and more necessary than sleeping and waking, eating and drinking, and emptying the bowels and bladder. It is a nature and disposition just as innate as the organs involved in it.  Therefore, just as God does not command anyone to be a man or a woman but creates them the way they have to be, so he does not command them to multiply but creates them so that they have to multiply. And wherever men try to resist this, it remains irresistible nonetheless and goes its way through fornication, adultery, and secret sins, for this is a matter of nature and not of choice.”

We aren’t saying it’s impossible to wait until middle age and remain sexually pure –in fact we have a dear friend who made it until the ripe age of forty-two and maintained his virginity until he shared his bed with his beloved bride, but he is far more of an anomaly than the norm for Christians who struggle daily with the temptation of masturbation, pornography and addiction to romance novels.

What if we were actually designed to marry young?  What if we didn’t have to have life all figured out before marriage?  What if we had a partner and best friend to help us navigate the often treacherous roads of life?
 
–Tim

Photo: Dark Lady via Lemon on Pinterest