“I’ve decided not to tell the men I date that I have kids. What do you think about that?”
My husband and I were wrapping up a teaching series on love, sex and dating at a local Christian singles group when the woman approached me with her question.
My mouth dropped open in shock. “How many kids do you have?”
“Four,” the woman replied. “But I make a lot of money and I can keep the kids in a separate residence if I have too.”
I shook my head back and forth (and tried to hide the vomit curling in my throat). “Listen, I’m not sure you want to hear what I have to say about this, but here I go…”
DO NOT HIDE THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE KIDS
Never conceal your family from someone. Children are not a fun surprise in an established relationship. It’s pure deception if you choose not to tell this to a potential date. And dishonesty is no way to build a solid relationship.
If a guy or gal is turned off by kids then move on. It only takes one person –the right person who adores you AND your kids.
You are a package deal not à la carte!
Now, if your kids are so difficult they scare all potential suitors away, it might be time for an honest parenting assessment. Maybe your kids need you more now then you need to date. I know that’s hard to hear, but it might be true.
There are some seasons where your kids might need to be the priority and dating needs to take a backseat until your family is back on track. Seek counseling. Find healing. Get in a support group. You only have one shot with your kids and divorce is devastating to them. Do not minimize their hurt or be so self-absorbed you put your desires above theirs.
I shared this all with the woman and she squinted her eyes at me and looked mad (probably because I didn’t agree with her twisted scheming). “I think my way is the best,” she mumbled and stomped off.
I felt sorry for next poor man sucked into her web of deception. I also felt sorry for her kids.
There is HOPE
Single parents looking for love are tasked with a far greater responsibility than most –but the right person will treasure you even more because you are a loving and genuine parent.
Be proud of the blessings God gave you choose to steward their hearts (and yours) well.
Photo Source: sydniewells.wordpress.com
Being up-front from the get go is always the best policy. The truth about your family is harder to reveal the longer you keep it hidden.