I remember the day I met Tad from Match.com at a sushi place for a first date. (I totally changed the dude’s name for obvious reasons here).
Tad and I had little in common, other than a love of sushi –in fact he seemed a bit depressed –as if life had sucked the air out of his red balloon.
We talked through dinner, or mostly I talked as he had little to say, and somehow we made it through a whole evening of awkward.
I thought the pain was over.
But Tad liked my balloon. Let me rephrase that –he liked my energy and passion for God. Who knows…maybe my high spirits lifted his out of the doldrums? And so he called me again and again.
And about a week and a half later, when I was on vacation in the wilderness and eating bugs for dinner, Tad mentioned via text he wanted to take me out on his yacht –so I decided to give him a second chance.
I know how lame that sounds. I was materialistic –yep. Guilty. I fess up. And even worse, I was SELFISH.
I never intended to get serious with Tad, in fact I thought he was BORING. But I moved into a relationship with him and dated him for three whole months –for no reason beyond “I didn’t have anything better” going on at the time.
Not only did I use him (although I imagine it was mutual), I also wasted both our time and energy and his resources.
And that’s the problem with dating without direction –we USE people.
We date aimlessly and spend time with people we never intend to marry.
It begs the question of “why we date?” The truth is I wanted to be married. I was looking for a good match and a Godly man, so why did I lock myself up in relational purgatory and take myself off the market?
Was it worth the rides in Tad’s Porsche? Was the loss of my valuable time in the dating realm equal to the painful conversations I had to carry because we had nothing in common?
NO, NO and a thousand NO’s. It certainly wasn’t worth the months Tad spent in therapy trying to become the person he thought I wanted him to be -long after the relationship was over.
Reason 187 is this…Don’t Date Someone You Can’t See Marrying.
That doesn’t mean don’t go out on first date or even a second. Go out and meet lots of different people. But end it the second you know it won’t work. And we know pretty quick don’t we? If you avoid their calls by day 2, that’s a good sign the relationship is going nowhere.
JUST SAY “NO –I don’t want to go out with you again.”
It’s that easy.
It won’t get better on the fourth date. Sex won’t make it better. And no matter how hot she is or how much money he has it’s not enough to build a relationship on.
What do you think about dating someone you can’t see marrying?
