Becoming One

November 1, 2012 By

Hi friends!  We want to invite you to a retreat we are speaking at in November up in Lake Arrowhead.

Please join us to meet new friends, laugh, and hang out with us in the nice cool mountains! (don’t we need a break from this heat?)

We are teaching on building a strong foundation for a dating relationship.

Details

Christian Singles Fall Retreat “Becoming ONE” November 9-11 (Veteran’s 3-day holiday weekend) in forest-covered mountains at Thousand Pines Christian Retreat Center.

Relax & give yourself a weekend to enjoy God’s creation!

Comedy with Retreat MC Nick Arnette
Relationship Building Activities Offered – Campfire, 3 Group Hikes, Ping Pong, Foos Ball & Pool Table Tourney, Ropes Course, Climbing Wall, Zip Line, 1 Hour Mountain Bike Tour, Paintball, Skatepark, Frisbee Golf, Lake Gregory (mile away), much more.

Awesome Teaching – Tim & Samantha Keller, Brynn Taylor Ashford, Kim Cummins Caskey, Jim Eagon, Skits & Fun Surprises.

Inspired Worship – The Jim Gray Band & Special Musical Guest Artist Jesica Specht

Don’t wait…spots are reserved for 50 MEN & 50 WOMEN at the retreat center!

Register, payments and view photos at the retreat website http://www.GodsLoveFinder.com/.

Looking forward to seeing you there!

Filed Under: Dating Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Breaking up is Hard to do

October 26, 2012 By

How to Break up

One of the questions we often get at our dating seminars is “how do I break up with someone who isn’t a good fit?” Many daters find themselves in relationships of convenience with no commitment and no end in sight. It’s hard to end a relationship that is comfortable, but not God’s best for a long-term commitment.

Because being alone is scary (and breaking up is hard to do) we stall and stall and wait and hope for something to change.

I (Samantha) ended one particularly bad relationship in an unconventional way.

A Different Approach?

And it’s no magic formula.

I simply prayed for God to give me a way out.

The relationship wasn’t going well. He wanted marriage and I wasn’t even sure I liked him, but I felt trapped because of some ill-advised financial intermingling. I knew God needed to intervene to get me to move on.

Within twenty-four hours of my prayer, the guy was gone thanks to a divine miracle. A misunderstanding turned into a fiasco and instead of trying to fix it, I let it rip the relationship apart –exactly what I had prayed for.

It needed to be his idea for me to recoup the money I had loaned him. (By the way…never lend money to a new boyfriend or girlfriend unless you plan on kissing it goodbye)

Sometimes having the courage to break up is the hardest part. But I believe God will give us the strength if we ask for it.

And even when we are a big wuss, like I was, God offered me an opportunity to get out. And that was all I needed.

Here are some more ways, but we still recommend starting with prayer.

Tips to end a bad relationship:

  1. Find a neutral place to meet. Do not meet at his or her home.
  2. This means you have to meet in person! Texting or calling is for Jr. High.
  3. Schedule a meeting with a friend about an hour later so you have an excuse to leave and the conversation doesn’t drag on.
  4. Repeat over and over like a broken record. “It’s just not going to work out. “
  5. Do not use blame or shame.
  6. Be empathetic but do not try to fix the pain. Walk away.
  7. Un-friend on social media after the break up.
  8. Do not kiss goodbye or be close physically.
  9. Avoid the old places you both frequented for a time.

Do you have any good advice for making a break up less painful?

Phot Credit: Dian Waskita

Filed Under: Dating Tagged With: , , , , ,

Help for the Broken Dating Picker

October 15, 2012 By

A Dating Epiphany

I’ll never forget the moment I saw Date or Soul Mate by Neil Clark Warren on Tim’s bookshelf. I whipped my head around and asked him, “Do you have a top 10 list?”

Tim glanced up from his coffee and smiled, “Yes, actually I do.”

“Ok, I am going to drive home and get my list and then I will call you and we are going to read them to each other on the phone,” I instructed as I hustled out the door.

The Top 10 List

The “Top 10 List” is a list of MUST Haves and CAN’T stands every dater would be wise to make to know exactly who and what they are looking for in a relationship.

Warren’s book describes a simple method of making a list of the crucial qualities desired in a mate and conversely, another list of undesirable characteristics.

By having both in hand, it’s easier to find out if the person you are dating is worth keeping around. In fact, you can usually do it in just a couple of dates.

Personally, it forced me to stop holding on to guys who met most but not all of my requirements.

Ladies…this means if he’s rich but RUDE, drop the jackwaggon! And guys, no matter how HOT she is…if she’s stupid or self-absorbed or bad with money, let her go! (I mean it guys!)

Fixing a Broken Dating Picker

Personally, I was the girl who kept compromising in the spiritual area. I really wanted a man who would lead me and be as passionate for Christ as I was but I didn’t meet many men who fit this scenario. After an endless parade of men who went to church with me but couldn’t talk about my favorite topics –theology and spirituality, I had to decide if “loving God” was a deal-breaker or a negotiable.

My heart said NON-negotiable. So when I finally stopped dating the type of guys who didn’t match up in this area it was easier to find what I was looking for.

Now, Tim and I had dated about six weeks by the time I found the dating book on his shelf and we were already falling head over heels for each other. I prayed earnestly all the way home that he met ALL of the qualities on my list. But I was ready to let him go if there were any red flags.

(Clearly, as a pastor I already knew he loved God, but I didn’t know if he had the rest of my list nailed down yet.)

About twenty minutes later I pulled into the driveway of my condo, ran to my overstuffed bookshelf, found my journal and opened my Top 10 list. I reached for the phone and dialed him.

Must Haves and Can’t Stands

It turned out my top three MUST HAVES were identical to Tim’s.

  1. Love God with all your heart
  2. Desire to be physically active
  3. Understand my call to ministry

Our lists matched up perfectly!

Boy was I was relieved that wealth wasn’t a MUST HAVE on my list and Tim hadn’t included kids as a deal-breaker on his.

I have to believe God knew exactly what he was doing when he paired the two of us up together.

But I also know that I needed to get to a point where I knew exactly what I wanted and just as importantly –what I didn’t want, before I could see what a true catch Tim was to me.

Have you made a TOP 10 list yet?

–Samantha

Filed Under: Dating Tagged With: , , ,
« Previous Page