One thing I have learned about men –they like their women happy. In fact, to some degree they feel personally responsible for making their girlfriends and wives happy.
It’s a guy thing.
When a romance is new and shiny a guy will go to great lengths to please his woman. He will talk and cuddle and buy her things. When she is happy he is happy.
And since women love to chat, the man will listen. But here is where it gets tricky and women often shoot themselves in the foot.
All too often we OVER COMMUNICATE.
Telling Him EVERYTHING is No Bueno
A woman feels so good after she verbally vomits all her emotions.
Chicks call it dumping. We dump our frustrations out on our besty and then she dumps in return and we listen and sigh and hug and feel soooo connected.
But when we do it with our men it backfires. A guy wants to fix and please and make his woman happy, but if the dumping is negative (and when is dumping ever positive?) the gal moves on feeling significantly better, but the man is left to sort out and process all her toxic emotions.
For every bundle of negativity a woman unloads, a man gets knocked down off of his happy horse. (Because guys take responsibility for their woman’s happiness, remember?).
When a woman criticizes a man or complains about something that might even have nothing to do with him, he feels responsible.
SSSHHH!!!
The Bible puts it this way, “Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” Prov. 10:19 NLV
Understanding that women and men are designed differently will go a long way towards fostering peace in a relationship. Women need to be self-aware of their tendency to over-share and take their burdens to other women whom they can (safely) vent their emotions to, saving the truly fixable needs for their men.
The wise woman holds back her constructive criticism and is simply grateful for what her man actually does –thus upping his happy-o-meter and ultimately her own.
(Oh boy, do I sometimes get this wrong but I continue to repent after I blunder and try, try, try again…)
How to crank up the Happy-o-Meter
If my husband thinks I am happy then he is happy and free to go out and conquer the world, secure that his own little kingdom is running smoothly.
It gives a man great confidence to have a happy girlfriend or wife and that confidence will enable him operate at his full potential–thus blessing the very woman who helped him succeed–namely the woman.
And if a woman really needs to talk –giving her guy a warning with a “please could you just give me your ear for five minutes and I don’t need a solution” is highly recommended.
–Samantha
Do you agree or disagree?
I agree. The happier the better. How much should a man share?
At a natural pace. Too much too soon is overwhelming but too little little can seem disinterested. I think intentional dates help. Having a planned event builds easy lines of conversation.
Blessing,
Samantha